Captive Hearts

Orion's Trip to the Pound

2010-04-13T08:49:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, I took my new fur-baby, Orion, to BARC, the city pound, to get neutered. I would have taken him to my own vet, but the surgery is expensive and BARC was going to do it for free. So, to BARC we went.

Orion is a ginger tabby, about 10 months to a year old. He's got spunk and personality and a VOICE. Oh my gosh, does he ever love to talk! He was especially vocal yesterday morning because I had removed his food and water the night before and the poor guy was hungry and thirsty! From his perspective, he was being perfectly reasonable. And I must admit meowing "I'm hungry!" and "I'm thirsty!" is much preferred to knocking things over or tearing up furniture (or my leg)! But I had to resist the urge to give in. And yet as many times as I told him he couldn't have any food or water, he just wouldn't listen. Or maybe he couldn't understand.

I put Orion in the same cardboard carrier that we'd brought him home in for the ride back to BARC. We have a nice soft carrier that I use for trips to the vet, but I didn't want to leave it at the pound all day, and maybe not get it back. Of course, when I tried to explain that to Orion, he again did not understand.

The entire way to the facility (a 45 minute trip downtown), Orion cried. He cried and cried. He stuck his paw out through the tiny round holes in the cardboard carrier. He tried to stick his nose out of the holes, which worked about as well as you'd expect. And he would try to turn his head to stair out the hole at me. And all the time, he cried.

My heart broke. All Orion knew was that he was hungry and thirsty, and locked up in a dark cardboard box that smelled like the pound, cut off from his new mommy and being taken away from his new big brother. And I would shortly be dropping him off at the pound and leaving him there. WOE IS HE! How much horrible could life get? What did Orion do to deserve such treatment? He had done everything that he could to be a loving, happy kitty. He didn't attack the dogs, he didn't beat up the old cat. He slept well and purred lots and gave lots of love. He might have damaged a few of mommy's possessions beyond repair (*cough*DDR mat*cough*), but he was a good boy about using the litter box and he was learning not to attack the "bedmice" unless they were under 3 layers of blankets! What did he do that was worthy of such rejection?!

I wanted to tell Orion that it would be okay. To explain to him that I had his best interests at heart. I tried to tell him. But he just couldn't understand. So, I just listened to him cry and I offered a prayer for God to keep him safe. And then I dropped him off at BARC and promised him that I'd be back. Of course, he didn't understand.

As I drove away, a thought occurred to me. How often are we in the same position as Orion. We may not be closed up in cardboard boxes and taken to the pound to be neutered against our will, but there are no doubt times when we find ourselves spiritually thirsty, hungry for something we can't find, and lost in the darkness. Life is throwing us rotten fruit after rotten fruit. Nothing is going our way. We may have lost everything that we treasured in life, and we may not know what tomorrow will bring. Perhaps we even believe that God has abandoned us, and we wonder, what did we do to deserve this fate?

What I find interesting in this example is that just as Orion could not comprehend the bigger picture, we cannot always understand the plan that God has in store for us. He'd tell us, I think, if we could understand. But compared to God's omniscience, we are more simpleminded than a 2 week old kitten. We cannot understand God's plans because we are not God. We do not have the mental capacities to wrap our thoughts around all that He is and all that He knows. It's not that God has abandoned us, and it is not that God refuses to let us in on His great plan. I think the issue is simply that we are physically incapable of comprehending what He wants for His children.

Another interesting realization that I made is that when I drove Orion to the vet, I could not explain to him what was going on. I could not console him in terms that he understood. But I was there. I heard him cry out. And I cried with him. Is God not the same? When we cry in the darkness, He doesn't wave us off with a "Oh, you'll get over it." He cries with us. Even knowing what He knows, He cries with us, because we are crying.

Yesterday afternoon, I picked up Orion at BARC just as I promised. I took with me our soft carrier and he rode home in that, where he could look out at me the entire time. He meowed for a while, then he fell asleep. When we got home, I gave him all the food he could eat and all the water he could drink. Trevor gave him a thorough face-bath. And last night, Orion slept the entire night in my arms. He was back home, right where he belongs.

Decorate the Walls

2010-03-24T06:48:00.000-07:00

I've been gnawing on an idea lately and I'm not yet sure where I'm going with it, or if there's anywhere to go, but I'll share it with you all anyway. It comes from yet another song by the infamous Jimmy Buffett. This one is a love song called Coast of Carolina. The chorus goes like this:

From the bottom of my heart
Off the coast of Carolina
After one or two false starts
I believe we found our stride
And the walls that won't come down
We can decorate or climb
Or find some way to get around
Cause I'm still on your side
From the bottom of my heart.

Kinda sweet, huh? So, the part that's been nigging at me is the line:

"And the walls that won't come down, we can decorate or climb or find some way to get around."

...we can decorate. Now there's some imagery. And metaphors just waiting to come alive.

I mean, even among the people that we love the most, there are always walls. Those things that divide us. Issues we disagree on. Points of contention. And in a good relationship, we are always taught the benefits of tearing down those walls. Tear down the walls that separate countries, and the smaller walls that separate individual people. All over the place we find this imagery of the wall. In my neighborhood there is a church called "The Church Without Walls." We all know the metaphor, the goal. World peace? It would be a world without walls.

And yet... the pessimist in me can't help but laugh. The goal is all well and good, but like it or not, people are different. There will always be walls, because we will always draw lines. We have to. You know - "You gotta stand for something or you'll fall for anything." But I'm not even talking about those moral lines. There will be other walls, too. Because we are all different. We like different things. We see different things. We are all unique. To tear down every wall would be to tear down what separates our uniqueness. So, I laugh and go, "Yeah right... tear down the walls... sure, you do that. I'm going to go sit in my room surrounded by my safe walls and read a book."

Are you a pessimist or an optimist? I didn't realize that you could be both until I started really thinking about Jimmy Buffett's words. He's admitting that, even in his own marriage, he can't tear down every wall. So what will he do with those walls that won't come down? He'll decorate them.

...

I just... hold on, I'm still trying to wrap my mind around the novelty of the concept.

Decorate... the walls?

Celebrate our differences? Not just the differences between our cultures, but between us and the family and friends that we love the most?

... wow. Whoda thunk?

Tuesday Evening Chapel - My Devotional

2009-11-18T05:17:00.000-08:00

Just this past week, one of the members of my Proverbs 31 e-mail group suggested an experiment. She suggested that we try to come up with as many words that describe God as we can that start with the first letter of that day of the week. On Monday, we came up with magnificent, mindblowing, and the ultimate multitasker. On Tuesday, God was truth, triumphant and totally trustworthy. This continued through Sunday, when God was supercalifragilisticexpialidocious. Isn't it amazing how many words we can use to describe our God? We could go on and on, and no one word would be sufficient to describe him fully.

The Bible is filled with a multitude of words used to refer to God. In the Hebrew, we hear names such as Elohim, proclaiming the Lord as the one true God, and El Shaddai which describes God as The Almighty. In English, we have many names for God as well.

We call Him God - the divine being of immeasurable power who created the world and continues to mold it as He wills. He has powers we can not comprehend, and knows more than we can ever dream.

We call Him our Lord. The 'our' is important here, since with these words, we are naming God our superior, just as the middle age serfs answered to the call of the lords who governed their lands. When we cry out to our Lord, we are giving Him the authority to govern our lives.

We call Him Father. Just as a father wishes to have a meaningful relationship with his children, so does our Holy Father wish to hold a meaningful relationship with us. He supports us, teaches us, encourages us as we grow and learn. And He loves us, more than we can imagine.

To be honest, I've only just picked at the tip of the ice berg. What other names do we give God? What roles does He play in our lives? In Grace for the Moment, Max Lucado writes:

God is
The shepherd who guides
The Lord who provides
The voice who brings peace in the storm
The physician who heals the sick, and
The banner that guides the soldier.

In her song "I am," Nicole Nordeman sings:

When life had begun, I was woven and spun,
You let the angels dance around the throne,
And who can say when,
But they’ll dance again, when I am free and finally headed home

I will be weak, unable to speak,
still I will call You by name
“Creator, Maker, Life-sustainer,
Comforter, Healer, My Redeemer,
Lord and King, Beginning and
the End.

Who is God for you today? Who was He for you yesterday? Who will He be for you tomorrow?

Amen.

Word Associations: The Names of God

2009-09-17T11:58:00.000-07:00

I don't spend enough time in meditation and Bible study - that is absolutely for certain. I finally got around to picking up Max Lucado's Grace for the Moment book and I'd like to see if I can come up with some "food for thought" for as many days as possible. I'll do this by reading the entry each morning and then going back to contemplate it throughout the day. I can't promise that these thoughts will be coherent or follow any logical sequence. But that's okay.

Today's devotional is about the various names that God has, the roles that He plays. Here is a little excerpt from Lucado's book:

"The shepherd who guides
The Lord who provides
The voice who provides peace in the storm,
The physician who heals the sick, and
The banner that guides the soldier"
- Grace for the Moment, Vol. 1, Max Lucado

I wanted to play a little word association with this piece. Nothing forced, just letting it mule in my head and seeing what came up. Here are a couple of the things that I ended up with.

"The shepherd who guides."

We could do some fun random thought tangents with these kinds of things. Here is how mine went:

"Shepherd" --> Psalm 23 (The Lord is my shepherd) --> Psalms!! --> Psalm 30 (my favorite psalm) --> "Weeping may endure for the night, but joy comes in the morning" (v. 5b)

Huh. Not really sure how to directly connect the guiding shepherd with Psalm 30:5, but it's a fun little tangent anyway. And I do love that verse.

"The physician who heals the sick."

To be honest, if we are trying to pull out Bible verses here, I am more likely to lean towards one of the ones that says "He comforts the grieving" or something like that. And I did some reflective thinking about why. It seems as though I'm more of an advocate for inner healing than external healing. I'd rather someone be at peace with their life than healthy. Now, I know that the two are often not mutually exclusive (how can you be at peace when you are in pain all the time?) but the counselor in me is still going to advocate for internal healing - and I can tell you from personal experience how often God gives that internal healing. The answer: ALL THE TIME.

"The banner that guides the soldier."

Hmm... this is something that I might have to do some more thinking about. There are some connections to be made.

I didn't used to relate to this line. I didn't now anyone overseas or in the army or anyone who knew anyone who was. But that has changed. My sister's long-time boy friend is currently in Iraq, and we're hoping to see him come home in February. And I have watched my sister go through all of the trials that any army "wife" goes through. It's definitely made the situation more real to me.

Once I made that connection to this line, I tried to think about a Bible verse. And you know what I came up with? You'll laugh. The first verse that came to mind was the one about the armor of the Lord. You know, with the sword or righteousness and stuff? Apparently, in my subconscious mind, the armor of God would not be complete without the banner of the Lord for us to rally at in the middle of the fight.

An Except from Captive Hearts

2009-09-11T09:18:00.000-07:00

I haven't visited Captive Hearts on this blog recently. For those of you who are new to this little Blog or have forgotten (it really has been that long), Captive Hearts is the story that I am co-writing with a friend of mine, just because. You can find a basic background to Captive Hearts in my opening post, here. It's a fantasy romance/adventure. Our fantasy world is watched over by four gods: Solarus, Lunos, Vulcos and Aquios. I love working with these gods and their mortal children because each one shows me a different face of our own Holy Father. And it's interesting how often we get to touch on issues that are as real in our world as they are in this fantasy one. Here's something that happened this week in the Heartlands:

((Elliod and Kyra have just discovered that their unborn daughter, Rena, has shamanistic sensitivities.))

Elliod swallows hard, "There have only been 3 shamans among the tribes for a long time... if one is born, then one has to die."

Kyra frowns. Of course she knows this, but... "You, Hanna... and who else?"

Elliod swallows, "Rebecca... she's a cousin in the nearby Holston tribes." He pales, "Hanna... Greatmother. She's the oldest of us... unless..." He bites his lip. "Vulcos is replacing the lost shaman."

"Lost? You mean, from... from the histories?"

Elliod nods, "Do you remember the story of the first male shaman? His greatmother was killed when Dracos broke free of his bonds. Vulcos never replaced her."

Kyra nods, "But Vulcos is sleeping. She can't have enough energy to create a new shaman, can she?"

Elliod takes a deep breath, "I don't know. When she was awake, I would ask her all sorts..." He pauses, "I wonder if I would be permitted to speak to Lunos."

Kyra blinks, then can't help a bark of laughter. "Speak to Lunos? Like, what, just request an audience? She's a goddess! And not even your goddess! You can't do that... can you?"

Elliod smiles, "But see, I have an in. I'm assisting one of her beloved sons... and she allowed me to see you pregnant and fighting. Vulcos doesn't give future visions."

"Still," Kyra shakes her head, "She comes to you when she wills it. You can't just order a goddess to appear before her so that you can interrogate her."

"I'm not going to..." He sighs and reaches up to touch his forehead. "She has to understand how important this is to me. If Rena is born what will happen to my greatmother and cousin!?"

Kyra lets out her breath in a huff. "Gods, Elliod! You are as egotistical as you are dense! The world doesn't revolve around you! And you aren't a god - you don't have to know what the future holds! You have to trust that the gods will care for us. If our child is a shaman, then there's a reason for that. Stop questioning Vulcos' intentions!"

Elliod opens his mouth and gasps, "I'm not!" He protests. "I'm..." He shuts his mouth and stands, walking over to the window and looking out into the darkness with his arms crossed.

Kyra scowls, "You are," she insists. "You just can't bear not to be in total control."

Elliod readjusts his arms and glances back at Kyra without a word. He humphs and shakes his head as he looks back out the window.

Kyra narrows her eyes and says, "Prove it."

Elliod knees the bed and kneels before his wife, "I worry. I think that's part of my job too, to worry."

Kyra snorts, "That's yet another stupid thing that you've said today. Elliod, the gods don't want us to worry. They want us to trust in them."

Elliod leans forward and presses his lips to Kyra's forehead, "I can't help it sometimes." He draws his wife close. "If I love someone, I want them to be safe."

Kyra nods, "I know." She kisses Elliod on the forehead. "But we're Vulcos' children first and formost. She will take care of her own, even asleep."

Elliod sighs and chuckles. "Since when is it the Protector's job to teach about faith, Kryanthia?"

Kyra scowls, "Since you never learned it right." Then her expression does soften. "You've been spoiled, Elliod. The holy child, the gifted one, the singer, the storyteller, the dreamer. You've always had Vulcos' ear. You don't have any idea what it's like for the rest of us who simply have to trust."

This concept is fascinating to me, and something that I think has a lot of meat to it. The idea that the poor will be rich and the last will be first all spirals around to this same idea. The idea that in order to have faith, in order to trust, you must first be uncertain. To say it with different words, you can't let God take control if you are still clinging to the reins. Wow.

Questions for Heaven

2009-08-27T07:33:00.000-07:00

"I guess in Heaven I'll learn
I'll be waiting my turn
To ask about quasars and feathers
I hope the line isn't long
I hope Your patience is strong
It's a good thing forever's forever"
-Questions for Heaven, Chris Rice

I haven't posted in a while, mostly because I've been on Summer vacation. My classes start on Monday, and I'm sure I'll have a lot of material to share then. But for now, I wanted to share a little experience of mine.

In my kittypix community, there was a famous kitty named Dusky. Famous because we all knew him by name. Dusky was a newborn kitten, abandoned by his feral momma and adopted by a pair of good samaritan humans. Kimberly and Amanda worked day and night to keep Dusky fed and when he got sick and had to go into the vet, they continued to go in every couple of hours to feed him while keeping him on oxygen. It cost lots of money as well as time and effort. But he recovered. He finally got to come home to Kimberly and he was almost off of oxygen and was looking so much better. Meanwhile, we rooted and cheered for the little guy on kittypix, basking in the multitude of pictures that Kimberly posted. He was our little hero.

And then, suddenly, he was gone. He was at the vet's and in 30 minutes, he went from fine to... gone.

Kimberly was crushed, and so were we all. I was a wreck for several days, and I have amazing friends that were here to help me through it. Now, weeks later, I have finally gotten the courage to talk about what I learned from that experience, in an e-mail to one of those close friends:

I've been doing a lot of thinking about Dusky. He's the kitten who died a few weeks back when I got really upset. The thing is, part of the reason that I was upset was that he was doing so well, and everyone was so excited and then he was just gone. It was like God had given him a challenge and the girls worked so hard and he got better and God gave everyone hope that he'd be fine, and then God just took him away. Kimberly (Dusky's foster mom) was crushed. And the other reason that I was upset is that when my sister found out, she pointed out that the mother had abandoned Dusky and a mother knows. And that pissed me off because, even though I know she's right (in nature, mothers can tell when one baby isn't likely to survive), it just... I mean, it was like, does that mean that we should just let someone die, "Oh, he's predestined to die, so we shouldn't ever bother trying to heal him." I'm sorry, but that's bull shit! God wouldn't punish someone for trying to give someone else a chance to live. So, yeah...

Anyway, this morning, something occurred to me on the way to work. I know when you face these hard questions, the response is almost always either, "You just have to accept that God has His reasons," or "We can never know the answer." But when a question is really important to you, those are not easy answers to swallow... And the truth is, I don't think they should be. Because as God's children, we SHOULD be truth seekers. And part of seeking the truth is asking questions.

Which is what led me to my realization this morning. This realization is that when I get to heaven, I am going to ask God why he took Dusky. Does that seem kind of petty and silly? Perhaps. But... The difference is subtle. It's like... I realized that I could ask questions and still trust God to know the answers, while at the same time accepting that I cannot comprehend the answers RIGHT NOW. But someday... Someday I'll see the whole picture.

I think this is a concept that I'll use when I start my practice as a Christian Counselor. There's a subtle but powerful difference between just saying, "I can never know the answer to my questions," and writing a journal of "all the questions I will ask God when I get to heaven." If the questions are important enough to us, we should not be afraid to ask them, even if we know the answer will be long coming.

So, yeah, sorry for that tangent. The reason for all of this is that when I got to work, after coming to this realization, I found that Kimberly had made an update on kitypix. Apparently, she and Amanda and several others have gone out to track down Dusky's littermates. They've found Dusky's littermates, but can't get to them yet. But they also found another little of kittens of a feral momma and brought them home so that they can have happy lives of petting and loving and sleeping on laps.

Is that why God took Dusky? So that half a dozen other kittens would get a chance to live the same life? I don't know. It's possible. Wouldn't Kimberly and Amanda have gone back for the other kittens anyway? I'd like to think so. But would Kimberly have been as determined (she spent 3 days of searching) if she hadn't just lost Dusky? I don't know. But... It's something to think about. At any rate, yeah, Dusky is on my list of things that I want to ask God about when I get to heaven.

Contemporary Music and the Role of the Psalms in the Journey of Faith

2009-05-08T11:48:00.000-07:00

I completed my term paper for my Psalms class. It's not polished, but I had a lot of fun with the content, and learned a lot, so it's something I feel like sharing. And it's something I am excited about pursuing down different avenues in the future (more on that later). So, if you can ignore the fact that all of my formating disappeared between MSWord and Blogger, you are welcome to read it.

Introduction: The Role of the Christian Music and the Journey of Faith

The Book of Psalms has often been referred to as the prayer book or hymnal of Second Temple Jerusalem, and for good reasons. Within this one piece of work are collections of songs, dances, stories and prayers that ran the full gamut of life among the ancient Jews.[1] These songs were used for liturgy, for praise and for communicating with Yahweh, and they covered just about every role that a young Jew might need in their journey through life and through faith.[2]

In today's Christian church, the psalms have been replaced with a wide variety of Christian music, from hymns, to Contemporary Christian music, to African American gospel music. Though the variety is wide, the music of the Christian faith still bears the responsibility of filling the roles that the psalms filled for the ancient Jews. These are roles that are necessary for each person's spiritual and psychological growth as a child of God.[3][4] However, the Christian church's doctrine has changed over the years, and it has altered the view of such ideas as what makes up faith.[5] The concept of faith is a cornerstone to all of the Old Testament psalms, and with the change in Christian beliefs, the church has had to disregard or at least minimize the impact of a good portion of the psalms, most especially the laments or complaint psalms.[6]

In traditional Church worship, there are three different types of music: psalms, hymns and spiritual songs.[7] The psalms as they are defined in Christian music are not the same as the psalms of Second Temple Jerusalem. The psalms of the Old Testament included all types of music, including hymns. In modern worship, the psalms are instead described as prayers and worship songs. Paul Jones explains that psalms "teach us how to worship, and they provide fitting, biblical language with which to thank, praise, implore and glorify God. They also demonstrate confession and lament."[8] Note that though Jones does not leave out the mention of laments entirely, he does minimize their role in his explanation by using mild language such as "implore" and by pairing the lament with the confession, with confession being first, in order and most likely in importance.

In his book, Praying Twice: The Music and Words of Congregational Song, Brian Wren goes so far as to list out all of the characteristics that a song must have to be considered a congregational psalm. It must be: devout, just, frugal, beautiful, communal, purposeful, and musical.[9] Although Wren's criteria are meant to apply specifically to congregational music, it must be remembered that for the ancient Jews, there were no private songs. All psalms were public or congregational, and were to be sung aloud so that everyone who heard the psalmist might either celebrate with him if he was happy or mourn with him if he was sad.[10] The picture Wren paints is of a perfect hymn to be sung in a perfect world where there is no injustice or pain or sorrow. While these perfect hymns are important, they do not by themselves fill out the complete set of roles the psalms in the Old Testament filled.

Secular Music: When World and Faith Collide

Today's Christian music has failed to fill several important roles to guide people through this wild and unpredictable world, so the role has been filled by secular music instead. Secular songs are not handicapped by Christian doctrine, and they are often willing to ask the questions that every person struggles with, without feeling the pressure to always have the answer. In this paper, three types of secular music styles will be used in order to explore the power that secular music can have on a person's faith. These styles are country music, children's songs, and show tunes, specifically soundtrack music from stage productions. There are very distinct reasons why each of these three styles should be examined.

Country Music is a grass roots style of music that has its origins deep in the culture of those who sing it - then and now. It began as a gathering of banjos and fiddles on porches during the 1920's, transformed into what is known as the "Honky Tonk" style of country music with such performers as Hank Williams at the forefront in 1950s. At this time, the "old west" had become the "wild west," and country music represented the unquenchable spirit and grit that was required of those who called that region their home. In the years since, the "wild west" and once again transformed, this time into the "southwest", a mellower, more crowded but not always more civilized version of its younger self. Country music has followed suit, and over the years the genre has gone through at least 3 more stages, including the "urban country" style of the 1980s.[11]

Through all of these transformations, it is easy to see that country music is bound to and given life by the culture of those who sing it. From the very beginning, the residents of the west have had to be strong and determined. Faith was vital, as was the relationships that kept people united against the hostile environment. Even today, in modern country music, you can see those values alive in the songs sung, whether they are written in Nashville, Hollywood, or rural horse ranch in central Texas. Perhaps that is why the genre of country music is much more outwardly accepting of expressions of faith in its music. While country music might use blunt and even harsh language at times or otherwise offend a listener's sensitivities, it is also one of the few styles of music where one can hear songs that could just as easily be played on a Christian radio station. Honest statements of faith can be found everywhere in the realm of modern country music; very few country music artists will release an album that does not have at least one song that puts voice to their personal faith.

In 2009, the Christian music group Point of Grace made the announcement that they would be shifting from the Contemporary Christian music arena to the Country music one. Their songs have not changed much, if at all, and still present a vivid picture of living the life of faith. When asked how these songs were being accepted by the Country music market, they replied, "Just as the Christian market has embraced songs from Martina McBride and Carrie Underwood, I think that the country market is accepting our music. So much of country music through the years has been rooted in faith, so I think that this could be a very natural fit for us."[12] Country music really is one of the few musical genres where it's okay to be secular and still sing about God.

Children songs can come from many sources, but the ones referred to in this text are most often from moves or stories that are directed towards children. Although classically, those movies are produced by Walt Disney Inc., there is plenty of music that is released by other producers as well. These songs are important because they represent our society's replacement for the wisdom psalms of ancient Israel. The purpose of the wisdom psalms was to teach the next generation the lessons they would need to know to become good, successful, upstanding citizens, and the same can be said for the songs that today's culture teaches its children. In the movie Beauty and the Beast, for example, the song "Be Our Guest," teaches children about hospitality, while the song "Something There," makes a statement to children about second chances.[13] From older Disney films come songs like "Who's Afraid of the Bid Bad Wolf?", which teaches about hard work,[14] and Mary Poppins' famous lesson about "A Spoonful of Sugar."[15] Disney does not hold the monopoly on children's wisdom music. In 1998, Dreamworks released its first traditionally animated movie, Prince of Egypt. Through this movie, children both Christian and non-Christian were introduced to one of the most famous Bible stories of the Old Testament. The songs, likewise, are powerful lessons that could have come straight out of the Bible, but instead were presented to a secular audience for every child to experience and enjoy. These songs included, "When You Believe," "Through Heaven's Eyes," and "Humanity," which taught lessons of faith, compassion and diversity.[16]

In 2000, Dreamworks released the sequel to Prince of Egypt in a direct-to-video movie, Joseph, King of Dreams.[17] Though an official soundtrack was never released for the movie, one of the songs, "Better than I," was picked up by Contemporary Christian music artist Joy Williams and re-recorded for release on her 2001 self-titled album, Joy.[18] It is through these types of songs that we teach our children the laws of wisdom, and so they continue to have a powerful effect on our lives and our growth as human beings.

Lastly, stage productions and plays provide a unique view of the human condition, and their music can bring that human condition into an emotional and powerful perspective. Unlike movies, which often feature action and adventure and special effects, the stars of every stage production are the actors and the characters that they portray. There is nothing to distract the audience from the acting going on before them, and so they get an unhindered view of the drama and raw emotion that is being shared. When playwrights add music to that, it gives the emotion a venue more vital than speech alone. What the audience receives, then, is the result of drama plus music: human emotion at its most intense.[19] It is not a surprise that some of the laments that are found among popular show tunes could probably be transplanted into the middle of the book of Psalms and not look at all out of place.

Using these three styles of secular music, it is easy to see how some of the roles of the psalms have been taken up and filled by secular music, rather than by church music. The biggest and arguably most important role to be filled by secular music is the role of the lament psalms.

Laments: Crying Out to God

During the time of the second temple, the ancient Jews took their laments very seriously. In these songs, the Jews were able to cry out to Yahweh for rescue, healing or protection. These laments were often harsh and blunt, and most began with imperatives such as those in Psalm 55 vv. 1-2a: "Listen to my prayer, O God, do not ignore my plea; hear me and answer me…."[20] The laments then proceeded to lay out for Yahweh what has happened to make the singer so miserable, what Yahweh should do about it, and why Yahweh should take action.[21] This genre of psalms makes up almost a third of the Book of Psalms, despite that fact that the Christian church has historically pretended that the lament genre does not exist. One reason why, according to Walter Brueggemann, is that the lament psalms describe a relationship with God that requires a different type of faith than the kind we are taught to have.[22] Evidence for this can be found in any person who has ever advised a friend on their worries with the words, "You just have to have faith." It seems to be an unspoken part of the Christian church's doctrine that faith in God is identical to an unquestioning acceptance of everything God does or does not do.

It is not surprising, then, that music in the Christian church should renew and reinforce the believer's personal faith in God. This has made the topic of what exactly is appropriate content in Christian music a sensitive topic. Put another way, Best explains: "the subject [of Christian music] cannot be disconnected from central matters of faith. Everything done musically bust be defended and critiqued theological and biblically."[23]

As a result of this focus on the appropriate content of Christian music, the laments have been almost entirely left out of the Christian songbooks. They represent moments of a believer's life when he challenges God, crying out to Him to change what He is doing - either by dropping everything and coming to the believer's aid or by ceasing whatever act God is taking that is harming the believer. While some, including Brueggemann, argue that this style of prayer actually exhibits a more powerful faith, because the lamenter has no doubts about coming to God in his misery, the doctrines of the Christian church nevertheless prefer to avoid this idea of questioning God.

When the Church does recognize the power of the laments, it is usually in respect to looking backwards, into the past. The laments are accepted as songs that needed to be sung by the Jews during the exile and then later by the African American slaves and still more recently by the Jews during the holocaust.[24] But the study of the laments appears to be confined to those horrific events that the world can look back on and recognize as a crisis worthy of being lamented. There is no room, it seems, for the laments in the faith of a modern American Christian.

In Christian music, this division between faith and the laments come out in two ways. The first is that there are some topics that very few, if any, Christian music artists will dare to touch on. The second is that when Christian music artists do address particular issues, they will invariably provide the song as a lesson to those listening, and in so doing, miss the actual issue at hand. In his book, Pop Goes the Church, Stevens argues that everyone has filters or glasses that they see and interpret the world through,[25] and this can also be seen in how Christian music artists or song-writers will address a sensitive topic with rose colored glasses - attempting to convince all who hear that no matter what the issue is, God is in control and God will come through. In many ways, by using these filters in how they tell their stories, Christian song-writers are participating in denial - denial that sometimes God doesn't come through, and that sometimes a person's life can crash around them with no sign of God's order anywhere to be found.

The problem this leads to is that when believers do find themselves in the grips of "the valley of the shadow of death,"[26] it is not surprising that these Christian songs, while encouraging, offer no guidance to the one who is currently crying out in the darkness. The ancient Jews needed the lament psalms to express themselves in their anguish, not just during the exile but during all the time, and that medium needed for us today as well. While Christian music cannot fill this role in its current state, the role is nevertheless filled - by secular music. Despite the fact that the laments make up almost a third of the Book of Psalms, laments in today's secular music massively outnumber those found in today's Christian music. The lament, while still necessary and present in our world, has been taken up by the music of the worldly.

My Endless Night: The Personal Lament

A term that is often used to describe those moments of lamenting is "disorientation."[27] Walter Brueggemann first coined the term, combining it with the stages of orientation and re-orientation to describe the cycle of crises of faith that everyone goes through at different points in their lives.

In an article on The Sojourner, Michael Warden also addressed the importance of the disorientation stage in our lives.[28] He compared it to the abyss, one of the stages of the hero's journey in classical rhetoric. Warden's argument is that in order to be a hero, one is required to descend into the abyss at some point or another. Without making it through the abyss, one cannot become a hero. It should not be a surprise, then, that most of the dark laments that you will find in secular music are part of a larger story - the story of a hero. But the truth is that everyone will find themself in the abyss at some point in their life, and that universality gives these songs the power to connect the raw emotions of the hero with everyone who hears his cry.

There are few stories that are as filled with these moments in the abyss as the Broadway stage musical, Rent. While Christians have universally found the play and the resulting movie morally offensive,[29] there is no arguing that the play presents a down and dirty look at life in the alleys of urban America,[30] and the laments found between the Overture and Finale are some of the most heart-wrenching songs to ever grace Broadway's stages. One classic example is "Will I?" The song begins as a single man with AIDs expresses his fears about the future.

"Will I lose my dignity?
Will someone care?
Will I wake tomorrow,
from this nightmare?"[31]

With each progressive verse, the man is joined by more men, then by women, until the words are being sung as a round and in such a way that the music itself seems to leave the listener feeling as disoriented as the characters must be.

A lot of laments can be found among children's entertainment as well. In 2003, children and their parents made their way to the theatres to meet Kenai, a young Inuit hunter who must learn a valuable lesson about respecting people who do not look or think like him. For Kenai, the abyss comes with the realization of the harm he has done, and the sins he has committed:

"There's no way out of this dark place
No hope, no future
I know I can't be free
But I can't see another way
I can't face another day."[32]

What's curious is that, like so many traditional lament psalms, "No Way Out" finishes with an interlude and then an upturn to a positive ending. In this case, it is grace and forgiveness that Kenai is offered, but the ending of the song is nevertheless reminiscent of the final verses of most lament psalms that end by giving praise to Yahweh despite the troubles that they've suffered.

Another secular lament with a classical structure comes from the Broadway stage production of Disney's Lion King, a song that can be placed among both the show tunes and the children's songs. In "Endless Night", Simba mirrors the style of the traditional lament psalms even more closely. His song is directed up at the stars and the being among them that holds a spiritual hold over Simba's life - his father.

"You promised you'd be there
Whenever I needed you
Whenever I call your name
You're not anywhere
I'm trying to hold on
Just waiting to hear your voice
One word, just a word will do
To end this nightmare"[33]

While songs of true lament are everywhere in secular music, they are much harder to find in Christian music, even Contemporary Christian music. In their 2009 single "Always," Building 429 came as close as most Christian song-writers are willing to go into the realm of the laments. But even while dipping their toes into the pool of the broken, the group continues to insist that their faith is strong that God will prevail.

"But I believe always, always
Our Savior never fails
Even when all hope is gone
God knows our pain and His promise remains
He will be with you always"[34]

While there is nothing wrong with the statement that this song makes, what is important to note is that this song would not be considered a lament song, but one of comfort and encouragement. It is a song that, like all others in its genre, feels the need to offer an answer to every one of life's questions that is asked of it. Unfortunately, sometimes the answers just aren't there to be had.

Communal Laments: Common Issues, Uncommon Songs

Each one of the previous examples are referred to here as "individual" lament psalms not just because they express the cry of one individual (or a group of individuals in the case of "Will I?"), but also because the cause of the disorientation of the singer is individualized. Though many people will be able to relate to Simba's feeling of abandonment and despair, fewer have ever been in exactly his position before, as he believes himself to be the cause of his own father's death.

There are also topics and cultural issues that affect a large number of people, and these subjects can often draw out a variety of songs from a variety of points of view and musical genres. The big example of this in the United States today is the number of men, women and children whose loved ones have gone overseas to war. It's not surprising to see the number of songs that come up about that very personal issue - of being the one left behind to maintain the house and pray for their loved one's safe return. What is surprising is to see the different views that these songs can take. Christian music, for example, has very few songs that address this dilemma, this disorientation crisis. One of those few is "Letters from War," by Mark Schultz. The song tells the story of a woman whose only son has gone off to war. A few months later, she receives word that he has been captured. Her response is described as that of a woman whose faith if even greater than her worry for her son.

"And she prayed he was living
Kept on believing
And wrote every night just to say

You are good
And you're brave
what a father that you'll be someday
Make it home
Make it safe
Still she kept writing each day"[35]

At the end of the Schultz's song, the boy comes home after two years of being missing, promoted to captain and then discharged from duty so that he can return to his mother, tote bags stuffed with all of her letters slung over his shoulder. The moral of the song seems to be that if a woman has enough faith, if she prays hard enough and waits long enough, God will bring her boy back safely. It's a beautiful concept, but not one that is capable of reaching most of the women who are in this same position. Their question is both understandable and predictable: "What if he doesn't come back?" Unfortunately, that is a question that Christian music either does not have the answer to or does not wish to share. Instead, the heavy weight of life's hardest questions is left to the secular side of music.

One way for a wife or mother to connect with the disorientation of their son or husband going to war is by stepping back in time and taking a skip across the Atlantic Ocean to France during the industrial revolution.

"God on high
Hear my prayer
In my need
You have always been there

He is young
He's afraid
Let him rest
Heaven blessed.
Bring him home."[36]

"Bring Him Home," presents a beautiful illustration of a man who is pleading with God, and even goes so far as to attempt to bargain with God later on in the song - offering his life for the life of the boy. Valjean's faith is strong, but that doesn't keep him from attempting to call in a favor or two with his God.

There are even more examples of this issue closer to home. Songs about men going to war abound throughout the secular music of the past 5 or 10 years. One of those is "Come Home Soon," by SheDaisy. The song is dedicated to all of those Americans who are currently serving overseas and the families that remain at home, waiting for their return. The interesting part is that while "Come Home Soon" does not provide the answers, nor does it promise the men's safe returns, it does nevertheless offer hope:

"I still imagine your touch
It's beautiful missing something that much
But sometimes love needs a fighting chance
So I'll wait my turn until it's our turn to dance

I walk alone
I try alone
I'll wait for you, don't want to die alone
So please, come home soon"[37]

In this way, SheDaisy is able to put into words and music the emotions being felt by thousands of other men, women and children who are in this same position, and SheDaisy does so by offering hope and faith without giving the answers that they don't have to give. This song provides a salve as "Letters of War" could not.

Finding Faith in Secular Music: It's Nothing New

In Acts 17, Paul is found preaching to a group of Athenian philosophers. In verse 28, Paul states, "'For in him we live and move and have our being.' As some of your own poets have said, 'We are his offspring.'"[38] Paul is not quoting the Old Testament here, but he is using lines from Epimenides and Cleanthes, both of whom were popular secular poets of the time (Cleanthes' poem was even a tribute to Zeus!)[39]

Using secular culture to reach those who do not speak the language of the faithful is not a new thing, but using secular culture to enrich the faith of the faithful might be. Nevertheless, secular music continues to play a vital role in most journeys of faith due to the roles that the music plays which fill a gap between what the ancient psalms accomplished and what our Christian music is capable of accomplishing today.

References

Bailey, Wilma Ann. 2005. Music in Christian Worship. Edited by Charlotte Kroeker. The Sorrow Songs: Laments from the Old Testament and the African Experience. Collegeville: Liturgical Press.

Begbie, Jeremy S. 2007. Resounding Truth: Christian Wisdom in the World of Music. Grand Rapids: Baker Academic.

Best, Harold M. 1993. Music Through the Eyes of Faith. New York: Harper Collins.

Brueggemann, Walter. 1984. The Message of the Psalms. Minneapolis: Augsburg Publishing House.

Building 429. 2008. "Always, Always," in Building 429, performed by Building 429. INO Records, Compact Disc.

Chapman, Brenda & Wells, Simon. 1998. Prince of Egypt, staring Val Kilmer, 100 min. Dreamworks Animated, DVD.

Cockrel, Lisa Ann. 2005. "Rent" Christianity Today. http://www.christianitytoday.com/movies/reviews/2005/rent.html (accessed May 5, 2009).

Collins, Phil. 2003. "No Way Out [Single Version]," in Brother Bear performed by Phil Collins. Walt Disney Records, Compact Disc.

DeLuca, Rob & Ramirez, Robert C. 2000. Joseph: King of Dreams, staring Ben Affleck, 75 min. Dreamworks Animated, DVD.

Goldingay, John. 2006. Psalms, vol. 1, Psalms 1-41. Grand Rapids: Baker Academic.

Hopkins, Denise Dombkowski. 2002. Journey Through the Psalms. St. Louis: Chalice Press.

Jones, Paul S. 2006. Singing and Making Music: Issues in Church Music Today. Phillipsburg: P&R Publishing.

Kenrick, John. 1996. "A History of the Musical: What is a Musical?" Musicals101.com, revised 2007. http://www.musicals101.com/musical.htm (accessed May 4, 2009).

Larson, Jonathon. 1996. "Will I?", in Rent, Performed by Original Broadway Cast. Dreamworks, Compact Disc.

Mangum, Willie R., Jr. 2005. "Rent" ChristianAnswers.net. https://christiananswers.net/spotlight/movies/2005/rent2005.html (accessed May 5, 2009).

O'Hara, Paige & Benson, Robby. 2002. Beauty and the Beast, directed by Gary Trousdale, 84 min. Walt Disney Video, DVD.

Point of Grace. 2009. "Point of Grace: Gone Country?" Interview by Country Music Planet. http://www.christianmusicplanet.com/news/stories/11576520/ (accessed on May 4, 2009).

Rice, Tim & John, Elton. 1997. "Endless Night," in The Lion King Broadway Production performed by Original Cast. Avex Trax Japan, Compact Disc.

Roughtstock.com. 2009. "Roughstock's History of Country Music," Cheri Media Group. http://www.roughstock.com/history/ (accessed May 4, 2009).

Saliers, Don E. 2007. Music and Theology. Nashville: Abingdon Press.

Schonberg, Claude-Michel & Boublil, Alain. 1990. "Bring Him Home," in Les Miserables (Original London Cast Recording), performed by Colm Wilkinson. DECCA U.S., Compact Disc.

Schultz, Mark. "Letters from War," in Stories and Songs, performed by Mark Schultz. Word Records, Compact Disc.

SheDaisy. 2004. "Come Home Soon," in Sweet Right Here, performed by SheDaisy. Lyric Street, Compact Disc.

Sherman, Richard M. and Sherman, Robert B. 1964. "A Spoonful of Sugar," in Mary Poppins, performed by Julie Roberts, directed by Robert Stevenson. Walt Disney.

Stalling, Carl W. 1933. "Who's Afraid of the Big Bad Wolf?" in The Three Little Pigs, directed by Burt Gillet. Walt Disney.

Stevens, Tim. 2008. Pop Goes the Church: Should The Church Engage Pop Culture? Indianapolis: Power Publishing.

Williams, Joy. 2001. "Better than I", in Joy, Performed by Joy Williams. Reunion Records, Compact Disc.

Wren, Brian. 2000. Praying Twice: The Music and Words of Congregational Song. Louisville: Westminster John Knox Press.

[1] Jeremy S. Begbie, Resounding Truth: Christian Wisdom in the World of Music (Grand Rapids: Baker Academic, 2007), 60.
[2] John Goldingay, Psalms, vol. 1, Psalms 1-41, (Grand Rapids: Baker Academic, 2006), 60-69.
[3] Don E. Saliers, Music and Theology (Nashville: Abingdon Press, 2007), 33.
[4] Paul S. Jones, Singing and Making Music: Issues in Church Music Today (Phillipsburg: P&R Publishing, 2006), 89.
[5] Walter Brueggemann, The Message of the Psalms (Minneapolis: Augsburg Publishing House, 1984), 52.
[6] Denise Dombkowski Hopkins, Journey Through the Psalms (St. Louis: Chalice Press, 2002).
[7] Jeremy S. Begbie, Resounding Truth, 69.
[8] Paul S. Jones, Singing and Making Music, 102.
[9] Brian Wren, Praying Twice: The Music and Words of Congregational Song (Louisville: Westminster John Knox Press, 2000), 175-188.
[10] Jeremy S. Begbie, Resounding Truth, 60.
[11] Roughtstock.com, "Roughstock's History of Country Music," (Cheri Media Group, 2009), http://www.roughstock.com/history/ (accessed May 4, 2009).
[12] Point of Grace, "Point of Grace: Gone Country?" (Interview by Country Music Planet, April 2009) http://www.christianmusicplanet.com/news/stories/11576520/ (accessed May 4, 2009).
[13] Paige O'Hara & Robby Benson, Beauty and the Beast, directed by Gary Trousdale, 84 min., Walt Disney Video, 2002, DVD.
[14] Carl W. Stalling, "Who's Afraid of the Big Bad Wolf?" in The Three Little Pigs, directed by Burt Gillet (Walt Disney) 1933.
[15] Richard M. Sherman and Robert B. Sherman, "A Spoonful of Sugar," in Mary Poppins, performed by Julie Roberts, directed by Robert Stevenson (Walt Disney) 1964.
[16] Brenda Chapman & Simon Wells, Prince of Egypt, staring Val Kilmer, 100 min. (Dreamworks Animated) 1998, DVD.
[17] Rob DeLuca & Robert C. Ramirez, Joseph: King of Dreams, staring Ben Affleck, 75 min., (Dreamworks Animated) 2000, DVD.
[18] Joy Williams, "Better than I", in Joy, Performed by Joy Williams (Reunion Records) 2001, Compact Disc.
[19] John Kenrick. 1996. "A History of the Musical: What is a Musical?". Musicals101.com. Accessed May 4, 2009. Available at http://www.musicals101.com/musical.htm
[20] Psalms 55:1-2a New International Version
[21] Brueggemann, Message of the Psalms, 54-55.
[22] Brueggemann, Message of the Psalms, 52.
[23] Harold M. Best, Music Through the Eyes of Faith (New York: Harper Collins, 1993), 188.
[24] Wilma Ann Bailey, Music in Christian Worship. Edited by Charlotte Kroeker, The Sorrow Songs: Laments from the Old Testament and the African Experience, (Collegeville: Liturgical Press, 2005) 75.
[25] Tim Stevens, Pop Goes the Church: Should The Church Engage Pop Culture? (Indianapolis: Power Publishing, 2008) 48.
[26] Psalms 23:4 New International Version
[27] Brueggemann, Message of the Psalms, 19.
[28] Michael Warden, "The Abyss" (The Sojourner Blog, 2009), http://sojournerblog.blogspot.com/2009/01/abyss.html (accessed May 4, 2009).
[29] Willie R. Mangum Jr., "Rent" (ChristianAnswers.net) https://christiananswers.net/spotlight/movies/2005/rent2005.html (accessed May 5, 2009).
[30] Lisa Ann Cockrel, "Rent" (Christianity Today, 2005), http://www.christianitytoday.com/movies/reviews/2005/rent.html (accessed May 5, 2009).
[31] Jonathon Larson, "Will I?", in Rent, Performed by Original Broadway Cast (Dreamworks) 1996, Compact Disc.
[32] Phil Collins, "No Way Out [Single Version]," in Brother Bear performed by Phil Collins (Walt Disney Records) 2003, Compact Disc.
[33] Tim Rice & Elton John, "Endless Night," in The Lion King Broadway Production performed by Original Cast (Avex Trax Japan) 1997, Compact Disc.
[34] Building 429, "Always, Always," in Building 429 performed by Building 429 (INO Records) 2008, Compact Disc.
[35] Mark Schultz, "Letters from War," in Stories and Songs performed by Mark Schultz (Word Records) 2003, Compact Disc.
[36] Claude-Michel Schonberg & Alain Boublil, "Bring Him Home," in Les Miserables (Original London Cast Recording), performed by Colm Wilkinson (DECCA U.S.) 1990, Compact Disc.
[37] SheDaisy, "Come Home Soon," in Sweet Right Here performed by SheDaisy (Lyric Street) 2004, Compact Disc.
[38] Acts 17:28 New International Version
[39] Stevens, Pop Goes the Church, 48.

The Rainbow Bridge

2009-03-19T14:53:00.000-07:00

Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge.

When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge. There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together. There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable.

All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor. Those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by. The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind.

They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent. His eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster.

You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart.

Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together...

Author Unknown

For many of you who are animal lovers, this passage will likely be a familiar one. The Rainbow Bridge has become a famous and favorite reference among the huge internet community, most especially, it seems, among cat lovers. It is a beautiful vision of hope and joy and peace for the furry children who have given us their love and companionship for their entire lives.

Some people will look to the Bible and claim that there is no evidence that animals have souls and so the animals don't go to heaven like humans do. And perhaps that is so - perhaps there is no BIBLICAL evidence that animals have souls or can go to heaven. But to each person who says that, I would suggest two things. First, take a kitten or a puppy into your home, raise them, care for them, love them. Make them a part of your family. And second, when that cat or dog precedes you and your family into the life thereafter, look your young children straight in the eye and tell them where their favorite friend has gone.

The answer? The Rainbow Bridge.

I have had the blessing of being able to share the lives of my kitties with a community of cat-lovers and gotten a chance to love their kitties in return. We share the happy and the sad in the lives of our furries, and that will always include those unavoidable moments when we have to say goodbye. One of those goodbyes occurred last night, in a house where the beautiful Lola (kitty) had been the inseparable companion of the little Mr. B (for baby) for the first 2 years of Mr. B's life. In her goodbye post, Mr. B and Lola's mother had this to say:

"I told Sean that I think [Lola] will come to say hello to us when we get to the Rainbow Bridge, but I think she'll let us go on, preferring to lay in the sunshine and chase butterflies for many, many, many years to come (God willing) until the big grown up man that Mr B becomes finally meets her there."

The very image of that quote yanks at my heart. It's the spirit of the Rainbow Bridge. Lola will wait as long as she needs to wait, until Mr. B is ready to come home. He probably won't remember her, not in life. But when they meet at the Rainbow Bridge, he'll know her, as if they lived decades together, rather than just two years. And then they will cross the rainbow bridge together...

The Power of "Just"

2009-03-09T11:48:00.000-07:00

I've been thinking a lot about the word just recently. It is such a simple word, and yet one with so many definitions. You can't get through a day without using it, and most of the time you may not realize that it's a part of your lingo. But just can be a very dangerous word as well. That's because it is a word that minimizes.

I should note that just can be defined in two broad categories: adjectives and adverbs. An adjective is what you use when you refer to something being right, lawful and based on justice. That is not the form of the word that I am referring to here. Rather, I'm considering the word just when it's used as an adverb. Let's take a look at the definition from www.dictionary.com:

Just
–adverb
9. within a brief preceding time; but a moment before: The sun just came out.
10. exactly or precisely: This is just what I mean.
11. by a narrow margin; barely: The arrow just missed the mark.
12. only or merely: He was just a clerk until he became ambitious.
13. actually; really; positively: The weather is just glorious.

Synonyms include words like: but, merely, simply and only. They are all minimizing the power of the verb that is being described. So? you ask. What's the big problem? The problem is when what you are truly minimizing is the efforts of another human being. Let me explain.

When I was a kid, I struggled with chores that should have been easy to do. They would have been easy to do if I had actually done them. But I struggled with the initiative to do them. That's part of what defines an ADHD mind - you lack the dopamine to start menial tasks that are un-exciting to you. We didn't know that I had ADHD at the time, so my dad's favorite phrase was "just do it." To this day, I hate that phrase. My father never meant to insult me with those words. He never called me lazy or irresponsible. He thought he was encouraging me to accomplish a task that would be easy if I could just get started on it. But he didn't comprehend that getting started on it was exactly the task that I couldn't do.

For years I have expressed my opinion about how dangerous the phrase "just do it" really is. It isn't the encouragement that you think it is. By saying it, you are minimizing the challenges that the person is facing - challenges that you likely can't even comprehend. What I didn't realize until recently is how much broader this argument can go.

Just last month, I was in my Normal Human Growth and Development class and I mentioned my aversion to those three words: "Just do it." I said it not expecting others to relate, since I knew that I was the only person diagnosed with ADHD in the class. I was surprised, however, when one of my classmates spoke up and told her story:

This classmate is a mother of four, and her two youngest children were adopted from an abusive mother. The youngest was by far the worst off and when she took this newly adopted girl to the pediatrician for the first time, the pediatrician's multitude pieces of advice included these words: "Remove the word "just" from your vocabulary. Nothing will ever be as easy as 'just' for this child." My classmate concluded her story by saying that the pediatrician was correct. Years later, this youngest child was starting school and doing far better than she would have been doing if his loving mother hadn't adopted her, but her life would always be more difficult than a child who hadn't been abused for the first two years of their life. Developmentally, socially, emotionally, mentally, this child would never be able to "just" anything.

My reaction to this story was two-fold. First, I was in awe at the wisdom of this pediatrician. While I had heard of other adults with ADHD expressing similar dislike of my least favorite phrase, I had never heard of a doctor explaining the phenomenon to a worried mother.

My second reaction was to re-evaluate my least favorite phrase, and I realized that, just as the pediatrician had explained to my classmate, it was not the phrase that offended me as much as that one word: just.

As an aspiring counselor, I have continued to consider the ramifications of this one word. "Just." And I'm coming to realize how careful we must be whenever we use it. It is true that the word just can be used in a way that offers no negative connotation, ("If you just want to toss the spreadsheet to me via e-mail, I can print the nametags off of that.") But whenever we craft our words to describe the amount of effort that we believe is required in a given action, then we threaten to minimize that effort on the part of someone else. And how can we ever comprehend the challenges that another person faces?

Cross Culture Conflicts: Science, Politics and ADHD

2009-03-02T13:02:00.000-08:00

NOTE: This brainsplat of mine is aimed at a couple different audiences. But I've written it all together here. I'll post pieces of it elsewhere in approapriate settings

In studying for my cross-cultural counseling midterm, I've been reading over Duane Elmer's Cross-Cultural Conflict. There are a couple of (random) connections that I've made and I'll admit that I'm not comfortable with most of them. But, nevertheless, they are lessons to be learned, I think.

The Cross-Cultural Conflicts Between Religion and Science:

One comment I found intriguing (and that holds no little amount of wisdom) is Elmer's point that westerners (that is, people living in the "western world" like the US and Europe), are so often driven to understand In studying for my cross-cultural counseling midterm, I've been reading over Duane Elmer's Cross-Cultural Conflict. There are a couple of connections that I've made and I'll admit that I'm not comfortable with most of them. But, nevertheless, they are lessons to be learned, I think.

One comment I found intriguing (and that holds no little amount of wisdom) is Elmer's point that westerners (that is, people living in the "western world" like the US and Europe), are more often driven to have black and white answers than other cultures.

"The Western mind finds particular delight in providing answers to questions. An unanswered question is scandalous, so the mind quickly supplies its own answer from its own form of logic, its own cultural assumptions and its own value system." (Elmer, 1984)

In this quote, I couldn't help remembering the recent "debate" that I have had with my close Christian friends about creation vs. evolution. In that debate, and in so many others that I have heard, it seems to me that the largest issue is that these black and white Christians aren't willing to accept that science isn't supposed to know everything. "It's just a theory." "You can't prove anything." Trying to correct their misassumptions about how science works is like… worse than pulling teeth. And it doesn't help that in the scientific community, it is a big no-no to state anything with absolute certainty. That is a view that scientists take seriously, they live the idea that they are looking for answers - not necessarily finding them. Suddenly, I think I understand why this debate has gone on for so long - it's not a case of a different language (as I used to think). It's a case of a different culture - a different world view!

Winning and Losing in a Cross-Cultural Setting

A little bit later, Elmer talks about how different types of people handle conflict in the western world. His description of the win-lose type really dug at me, for a couple of reasons.

"Win-lose people assume that everything should be seen as right or wrong. They have a very small "gray" area and tend not to be very flexible or even willing to negotiate. Everything must be judged as right or wrong, even obvious differences; thus it follows that everything that is "like me" will be judged as right and everything "unlike me" will be judged as wrong. Such people have little tolerance for ambiguity. Right and wrong must be determined as quickly as possible so one knows how to treat the matter or the person." (Elmer 1984)

I made two connections with this quote, but they really both begin with the elections. During the recently 2008 presidential elections, race was a big factor. Perhaps not for everyone. I know it was not a deciding factor for me. I know it was not a deciding factor for white friends who voted for either side. As for blacks, I honestly don’t know. I don’t have enough black friends to ask. But I do remember the news story about black women who were being ostracized for supporting McCain. Did it go the other way? Probably. Are there socio-economic reasons for the way most of the black population voted? I have no doubt about it. My point is that while we can't stereotype how blacks and whites vote or how the elections came out (nor do I care to), there is no doubt that the view we got from the media most certainly did that.

Now, with that in mind, think about how many African Americans view Obama's presidency as a "victory" specifically for them. And remember how competitive our culture is. The celebrations that the media showed after the elections put some of the largest Superbowl parties to shame! The Superbowl is a competitive sport. It's win-lose. The presidential elections should not be, and yet I must confess that there are times after the elections when I would hear an African American say something about it being "their" victory, it would rub me the wrong way.

The only reason I'm bringing this up is that this topic sort of came up in class a couple months back. One of the other few whites in my class commented that he had seen an African American woman wearing a shirt with Obama on the front and the words "MLK Jr's dream has come true," and my classmate admitted that he wasn't offended, but he was frustrated, because to him, this woman didn't understand what the dream was about. The 2/3rds of our class made up of African American women, however, immediately informed him that she most certainly DID understand what MLK's dream meant. And we learned the lesson about how misunderstandings persisted among cultures and moved on with the class lesson. But that conversation has bothered me because I am very much on my white classmate's side.

It has taken me some time to figure out why, and I think this quote from Elmer finally cinched it for me. The shirt - the idea of victory - means something different to blacks than it does to whites. In our western white culture, if you win it means that your opponent has lost. And if you show it off excessively, then you are rubbing it in. Did any of you play soccer as children? Do you remember the chant you yelled at the beginning and ending of each game? "2-4-6-8, who do we appreciate?" Then you'd yell out the name of the other team. Then at the end of the game, you'd run down the line, slapping everyone's hands and telling them "good game". Our culture might be a competitive, individualistic one, but we are still taught how important it is to honor and respect our opponent. We are taught to be happy for other people's successes, true, but there is also such thing as a "poor winner". The catch is that I think the concept of what a "poor winner" is is very different in the western cultures from the African American cultures. I'm not saying that either side is wrong. Just that it has helped me to understand why they are different, and I think it is important for us all to understand how those differences can lead to anger and hurt and hard feelings.

Why I Hate Politics

Now, for my second connection to the elections, or more specifically, politics. I won't go into it in dept, because I've already ranted a little bit. But there are people who are so politically entrenched that they'll take every available opportunity to insult the other side and to lecture to people who have never once argued with them - as if just to hear themselves talk. It's… getting tiring, to be honest. But they are my friends and I love them. Even if I am taking notes on how NOT to raise my children…

ADHD: Individualistic or Collectivistic?

Lastly, I have one more connection to throw out. And this one is more of a ponderance (new word, hee!), a question.

Among the types of conflict resolves, Elmer also discusses the one who "gives in" and the one who "compromises" (two different types). Elmer describes giving in as someone who might admit that he or she can see the other person's point of view, and he describes the compromiser as someone who believes that every conversation should be settled by compromise - in which no one goes home happier than the others (this is not, according to Elmer, the same as a win-win conclusion).

Now, my thoughts have turned to ADHD. In 4 Weeks to an Organized Life with ADHD (a great book, by the way!), the authors talk about how the ADHD mind is uniquely capable of seeing the world from all directions and in the same way, seeing situations from all points of view. This makes them gifted counselors and very empathic, but makes it very hard for them to take a side in many arguments. Wow. Does that describe anyone else? Here I am getting a degree in Christian Counseling, but I can't even take a stand on most political controversies.

Which leads me to a very odd question - Does ADHD have more weight here in the individualistic part of the world than it would in other collectivistic cultures? Let me back up by describing a question that Elmer poses at the beginning of an earlier chapter: Which is the worse sin - lying or losing your temper?

Well? I'm curious what your reactions are. Which is worse?

I thought about it, and the counselor in me knew that sometimes you can't be entirely honest. But you DO have to be respectful of other people's feelings, so losing your temper would be worse. What was your answer? Now, imagine my surprise when Elmer explained that most people in the western world would saying lying is worse because our individualistic culture puts an emphasis on truth. But the other 2/3rds of the world puts an emphasis on relationships, so losing your temper is worse, because it could cause a schism between the relationship.

I think you can all imagine where I am going with this. Does ADHD actually fit better into a relationship-focused culture? On the one hand, I know I am not the only one who has trouble with relationships, but how much of that is because of the individualistic demands that our culture places on those relationships? How many of our troubles with relationships are because of physical actions that we forget to take or things we lose versus how many are because we spoke out of turn or performed a relational taboo? I honestly don't know. It's something I'm going to have to think about.

Psalm 30: The Abyss (My Homily)

2009-02-17T07:28:00.000-08:00

Where has the starlight gone?
Dark is the day
How can I find my way home?

Home is an empty dream
Lost to the night
Father, I feel so alone

When will the dawning break
Oh endless night
Sleepless I dream of the day

When you were by my side
Guiding my path
Father, I can't find the way

You promised you'd be there
Whenever I needed you
Whenever I call your name
You're not anywhere

I'm trying to hold on
Just waiting to hear your voice
One word, just a word will do
To end this nightmare

Good evening.

Those words are the lyrics to the song Endless Night, from the Broadway stage production of The Lion King. If you get a chance to listen to the song sometime, I strongly recommend it - it's one of my all-time favorites. Between the music and the lyrics, you can really feel Simba's desperation and anxiety, and I am willing to bet it's a feeling that we have all been able to relate to at one time or another.

Psalm 30 refers to it as "the pit". Michael Warden, a Christian Coach and writer from Gateway Church in Austin, refers to it as "the abyss". The abyss can hit us in many different ways. Sometimes we find ourselves there because of financial crisis. Other times from the physical pain of illness or injury, or the emotional pain of the loss of loved ones. And still other times through fear for our own life. Our abysses, our endless nights, are all different, but they share some similarities as well. I'd like to share with you an excerpt from Mr. Warden's blog, The Sojourner, in which he talks about his friend, Gandalf, who is going through a particularly dark and painful time.

Gandalf asked me yesterday if I thought he was in the Abyss--one of the stages of the Hero's Journey. Also called the Supreme Ordeal, the Innermost Cave, the Belly of the Whale. It's a singularly awful place, as full of stench and bile and rotting flesh as any fish's belly you could imagine.

I told him yes. I do think he's in the Abyss stage of the Hero's Journey. As I told him this, a part of me thought I should be glad for him--I mean, he is a hero, after all, and he is on the journey every hero must take. But I'm not glad; I'm just angry. And sad.

The Abyss, the Supreme Ordeal, the Innermost Cave...Despite their dark overtones they all still sound so mythic and pure--a final test of valor that calls you forth to face the dragon and makes you look very noble indeed. I mean, what's not to admire about a hero facing down a dragon?

But the real Abyss, the real Supreme Ordeal, looks nothing like that. It's not noble; it's humiliation at its worst.

Life is beautiful, but it is not fair. Some people are unreasonably blessed--charmed, as it were, to live a life of ease and prosperity. On the other end, however, there are those who are unreasonably battered by life. And this is where the Abyss of the Hero's Journey shows its true colors. For the Supreme Ordeal that the hero must face comes not head on, but from the side. It hits him in unexpected places, in ways that are, first and foremost, utterly unfair. It breaks all the rules. Its intent, you quickly realize, is not to best you in your strength, but to demoralize and humiliate you in an area of unexpected weakness, and to do it in such an extreme way that you simply lose any strength or will to go on.

It is the quintessential low blow. It's not pretty. It's not valorous or noble. It's ugly and humiliating and gritty and very, very real.

Still want to be a hero?

Yes. I do. Despite all this, I do. And I know Gandalf does as well. Because, as awful as the Abyss is, or can be, one simple truth holds the hero to the path: The Abyss is not the end of the story.

It tries to make you believe it is. That's the goal of the Abyss, by the way: to make you believe you've reached the end of all hope. The last stop. The place of absolute, irreversible failure and loss. And there is a kind of death that you must indeed pass through in this stage, so it definitely feels like the end of the story...at least, the end of the story as you have known it. But the true hero knows that resurrection awaits on the other side. And so, even though he may die, his hope does not. He trusts that there is still more story to be told.

"The hero trusts that there is still more story to be told." What a beautiful thought.

Simba knew this, too, by the way. His song, Endless Night, ends thus:

I know that the night must end
And that the sun will rise

I know that the clouds must clear
And that the sun will shine

I know that the night must end
I know that the sun will rise
And I'll hear your voice deep inside

My favorite bible verse as a child was Psalm 30, verse 5. "For His anger is but for a moment. His favor lasts a lifetime. Weeping may endure for the night, but joy comes in the morning."

Sometimes it seems like the night is endless, like the dawn will never come. Sometimes the abyss seems to go on and on, with no end in sight, no light at the end of this dark, dark tunnel. But we know that this is not the end of the story. And we can take courage, strength and hope in the knowledge that God always - ALWAYS - has the last word.

Psalm 30: The Abyss

2009-02-17T07:12:00.000-08:00

In my Tuesday classes, we have a devotional before each class, but they aren't assigned. Whoever has a verse or a thought to offer just does so. Last week, before Human Growth and Development, I offered to do the devotional. I had been thinking about it for a week, and so I read Psalm 30 and told the story about why Psalm 30:5 is my favorite verse.

When I was a kid, I remember getting into a fight with my dad (as any kid is going to do at some point in their childhood). I was sent to my room and when I was told that dinner was ready, I stubbornly replied that I wasn't hungry and I refused to come out of my room. In my childish tempertantrum, I remember reaching for my Bible. I just opened it up to a random page and jabbed my finger at a random verse. What I came up with was Psalm 30:5.

"For His anger is but for a moment; His favor is for a lifetime. Weeping may endure for the night, but joy comes in the morning."

I don't think I went back to read the whole chapter, but I didn't need to. In my young mind, that verse said everything that I needed to hear and I realized the truth in it - that in the morning, the night before would be just a memory and I would feel much better.

All these years later, I still keep that verse near at heart, and when comforting friends who are struggling with hard times, I have often suggested that they "sleep on it". In sleep, our minds and our hearts have the ability to both recharge and unconsciously put things in perspective.

This was the small little devotional that I told to my class. Once I was done, we began to talk about our plans for the chapel service, which our class would be hosting next week (i.e. tonight). That's when I looked down at the sheet that Dr. Hammond had handed out with the week's lectionary Bible verses. The first on the list? Psalm 30.

At first, I was appalled and embarrased. "That was not intentional" I insisted, but Dr. Hammond just laughed. She knew it wasn't, and she insisted that it was just one of those small little miracles. In the following discussion about chapel service plans, I agreed to be responsible for the homily. That's tonight. I have been going over it in my head all week and I finally sat down to write it out. Pray for me? I've never done a sermon or homily before.

Roleplaying as a psychiatric excercise - A case study.

2009-01-29T13:01:00.000-08:00

I have come to a ground shattering realization.

Okay, not really, but it's a philosophy that I've held for a while that is really hitting home right now. I have decided that roleplay is a psychiatric exercise.

I'm not talking about the simple little "what would you do" exercises that you use with children or the "empty chair" exercise that you use in counseling. I'm talking about all out, hard core, RPGs - roleplaying games. For those of you not familiar with the genre, I will use the term RPG in this post to refer to any game or hobby that requires one to develop a complex fictitious character, including stats, background, appearance and personality, and then bring that character to life through fluid roleplay. This category includes MUSHes & MOOs, White Wolf games and, of course, Dungeons and Dragons. Some of these games are more roleplay developed than others, but the more developed they are, the better the psychiatric exercise.

Shall I offer an example? Case Study #1: Myself.

I first learned to play D&D when I was in grad school. I had roleplayed online for many years and loved it, but I had always wanted to experience the face-to-face socialization that came with Dungeons and Dragons. I found a group and they became my close friends for the next year and a half - almost as close as the character that came to life every Saturday night.

Her name was Nyara, and she was an outcast. None of this was my doing, really. I had wanted to create a perfect character - doesn't everyone want to do well at something that they are trying for the first time? But to be honest, that wasn't my only reason for wanting a flawless character. The truth is that I was feeling very insecure myself. I was totally on my own. I had a new apartment in a new city in a new state halfway across the country from my home and family. I was at a new school surrounded by other graduate students who all knew more than me, who were much better prepared for 2-4 years locked in a lab than me. I was intimidated, oh, was I. And it didn't help that I had a rough year and a half in general. So, yeah, it was important to me that I have a happy little faerie tale to come to once a week. That didn't so much happen.

Instead, I got Nyara. Through circumstances mostly out of my control, she became a demon-blooded half-drow shadow priestess. CG, of course. An innocent girl, barely a woman, running from forces she could not understand. And all the time, the only other character who trusted her and accepted her was Maxine, the paladin. Of this relationship, I have two important points to make. First, I remember that when Nyara was first revealed, everyone was upset. Eventually, Maxine and Nyara talked and I remember Susi (Maxine's player) telling the GM: "Maxine is only angry with Nyara because Maxine thinks she lied to us. Once she sits down and talks to her, and it comes out that Nyara didn't even know what she is, then Maxine will take Nyara under her wing and protect her." Wow. I'm not even sure what to say about that, except that those words have stuck with me all these years.

The second thing I would point out is that Susi was, in so many ways, the same to me that Maxine was to Nyara. She claimed me as her friend even though we were so different. Her morals, under other circumstances, might have been blaringly different from mine, but she looked at me and saw an innocent little girl who needed support and protection.

Through Nyara, I worked my way through some very dark times. She was a shadowpriestess and she stubbornly insisted that "darkness" is not necessarily evil. It just represents the unknown and so it causes us to fear it. I, meanwhile, was facing plain old darkness. I couldn't figure out why I couldn't do what any other responsible and intelligent young adult should be able to do. Every day was filled with nervousness, anxiety and fear. Not to mention depression. And I can place the fact that I came through it all squarely on the shoulders of God, who gave me the strength to get out of bed each morning, and Nyara, who taught me how to walk through the fire… or rather, the darkest night.

Several years later and in a land far far away… I was in Texas, looking for a job and getting my newly diagnosed ADHD under control. I had found a cool D&D group in my neighborhood and I still rely very much on their friendship and support. I also got involved in an online D&D game with some other friends, and that is where Adriel was born.

Adriel is Nyara's daughter. Raised in the orphanage that Nyara founded, after her mother died giving birth to her, Adriel knows she is different, but she, quite frankly, doesn't care. She has her morals (and they are the same as her mother's), and if you don't like them, well that's not her problem, is it? Adriel is witty and sarcastic and self-confident and a born leader of the other player characters, and of the network of orphans that make up the various cities around her home country. In Adriel, I found exactly what I needed at that time of my life. The stubborn determination to be who I was meant to be - and to figure out who that person was. I didn't now where I was going, but I would get there, darn it! And Adriel helped me get there, both mentally and emotionally.

I just recently came to the realization that there is a very real reason why I had to go through Nyara before I could meet Adriel. It is, I think, parallel to the idea that we need the laments in the book of Psalms as much as we need the praise or thanksgiving psalms. As my professor, Dr. Pitts, put it, "If you are counseling and a man comes in and says, 'I suck. I'm a total loser,' your first response should NOT be 'No, you aren't!' Sometimes we need to be in the mud, to sit in the mud. Until we are ready to get out of the mud. As counselors, we can't pull our patients out of the mud until they are ready. Until then, we have to get into the mud with them." And that is where the lament psalms come in. I believe, now, that it is also where Nyara came in. Everything has a right time and place - even the darkness.

So. Fast forward. Adriel was retired two years ago. I've continued to play D&D, but it's become a game and a social exercise more than anything else. Recently, I began running games for my neighborhood group, and that's been a whole new mindset to learn. My life, too, has slowly been settling, and I'm on the road that (I hope) will get me where God wants me to be.

I am now preparing to join a new online D&D group, and I'm going through the character development process. I've just finished fine-tuning my character background this morning. If you want to read the full thing, it should be available on the game website soon (I'll keep you informed when it is). But the long and short of it is that this is Leah, a girl whose life is filled with unfortunate events, mishaps and accidents. She was given up by her parents to be raised by monks, for whom she caused nothing but trouble, despite her good intentions. She was sent to be trained as a cleric and that was a disaster, so they sent her back to the monks. After a rather large disaster at the abbey, Leah was taken in as a wizard's apprentice and though she did okay, she couldn't master that talent, either. Eventually, she discovered that her magical abilities were inborn and wild and could not be trained like a wizard's abilities are. She set off on her own and... the rest is history. Or it will be soon.

The curious thing that evolved as I wrote Leah's history is the concept of her accidents. To many people, she seems so enormously clumsy. She tries to do something simple and normal and will almost always screw it up. Is it mental? Physical? Or due to the magical tension of her uncontrolled magical abilities? Who knows, but it definitely gives her a hard time, handicapping her in a way that most people can't understand.

Now, let's take a detour. Check out the following exerpt from this story that I posted, several years ago, on the adult_adhd lj community that I'm a member of:

When I was a kid, we had a hill at the end of our court. It was small for a hill (that is, when you are living in the Napa Valley) but you usually had to stop for breath halfway up and it definitely caused a burn in the calves. I feel as though every time someone tells me to "just do it" it's got this negative connotation: "It's just a hill, you just have to get up off your butt and do it. Yes, it's tiring, but everyone else has to do it, it's the way life is. How can you be so lazy/irresponsible/stupid that you can't do what everyone else can do?" Grrr. It's just the connotation that annoys me.

Anyway, I realized that for people with ADD, there is no hill. I can assure you, I've looked and looked and looked: I see no hill. Instead, we get a mountain. And getting over this mountain is not as simple as 'just do it'. We can't just walk up the hill. We have to rock climb up the mountain face. Yes, it's possible. Yes, we can physically do it. But it's not that simple. To make it a way of life, to accomplish what is routine to everyone else, we have to find a way to reorganize our lives and our habits and get the outside support we need so that instead of rock climbing, we have found or carved a mountain trail over the mountain. It'll still be harder than everyone else who just has a hill to walk over, but at least we aren't out there with picks and hammers.

The problem is that for me, with my ADD, I'm currently standing in a valley surrounded by mountains. I'm unemployed and trying to figure out where the job is that'll help me afford to go back to school to get the degree I want to get to the career I want. Everyone's telling me to 'just do it' -- "You have to get a job, Jenn. How hard is it to get a job? You can't live here forever." But I can't figure out what job I'm supposed to find. Everything I've tried I'm not qualified for or won't work with me or doesn't pay nearly enough to support myself, my two cats, and my medical bills. "Just do it?" Hah! Not only am I trying to climb a mountain, I don't even know which direction I'm supposed to be climbing. North? South? East? West? I feel like I manage to mountain climb up one face, only to find that it's completely impassable halfway up and have to come back down and try some other random direction. To make things worse, I also am fighting depression. Which means, while ADD gives me these mountains to overcome, my depression makes these mountains f***ing scary!

I had forgotten about this post until I was putting the finishing touches on Leah's background. And when I went back to read it, I was blown away. Like, totally stunned. Am I the only one who sees the similarities? I don't think so. And so, I realize that my character is once again an unconscious shadow of the frame of mind my life is currently in. I'm finally at a point in my life where I know where I am going and I hope - pray - that I can have the strength and courage and determination to make it there. No more failures, no more switchbacks on that mountain trail. And Leah? She's exactly where I am. She understands where she is, why she is. Now she just has to prove it - to herself, and to everyone else. We both have a long way to go, Leah and I. But we will get there together.

My Thoughts on the Psalms, Part I

2009-01-23T13:05:00.000-08:00

This semester in Psalms class, we're going to be writing journal entries on the psalms that we read. I have been thinking and listening to my music and I am struck by how much so many of the songs on my playlist have the power that we talk about being present in the psalms. And I'm thinking of taking each journal entry and finding a song that each psalm reminds me of. For now, I'm trying to make a list of songs and I think it's a very interesting exercise, so I wanted to share.

Today's post is all about modern lament songs, primarily in showtunes (Broadway and movies). The key here is that each lament psalm in the bible actually ends with a stipulation of trust in God, despite the string of complaints. It seems so foreign to us, so contradictory... but should it? Check it out:

Endless Night (Lion King) - Lament

You promised you'd be there
Whenever I needed you
Whenever I call your name
You're not anywhere

I'm trying to hold on
Just waiting to hear your voice
One word, just a word will do
To end this nightmare

I know that the night must end
And that the sun will rise
I know that the clouds must clear
And that the sun will shine

I know that the night must end
I know that the sun will rise
And I'll hear your voice deep inside

Close Every Door (Joseph and the Technicolor Dreamcoat)

Close every door to me,
Hide all the world from me
Bar all the windows
And shut out the light
Do what you want with me,
Hate me and laugh at me
Darken my daytime
And torture my night

Close every door to me,
Keep those I love from me
Children of Israel
Are never alone
For we know we shall find
Our own peace of mind
For we have been promised
A land of our own

At first, those two songs were the only songs I could find that showed the same hopeful upbeat on the tail of a lament. No other "sad" songs seem to show that... or do they? Upon further digging, I've found that most of our modern showtunes do show that upturn from complaint to trust - it's just located in a second song.

Will I? (Rent)
(located early in Act 1)

Will I lose my dignity
Will someone care
Will I wake tomorrow
From this nightmare?

Finale B (Rent)
(located at the very end of Act 2)

Men (Women are singing different lyrics):
Will I Lose My Dignity
Will Someone Care
Will I Wake Tomorrow
From This Nightmare
There's Only Now
There's Only Here
Give In To Love
Or Live In Fear
No Other Path
No Other Way
No Day But Today
No Day But Today
No Day But Today…

Another example is No Way Out from Brother Bear. In this song, the original lyrics from the song end with the first verse that I've listed. The song has a very distinct place in the story, before the resolution of the plot. The single version of the song, however, adds two more verses that give the entire song the conclusion required to be a proper lament psalm. The difference here is that the "complaint" is more of mourning for actions taken and bridges burned. But the emotions are still tangent and on the "edge of emotional coping" (Brueggeman, 2002?), so I think it qualifies as a lament.

No Way Out (Single Version) (Brother Bear) - Lament

There's no way out of this dark place
No hope, no future
I know I can't be free
But I can't see another way
I can't face another day

I know it's hard, but you found somehow
To look into your heart
And to forgive me now
You've given me the strength to see
Just where my journey ends
You've given me the strength to carry on

I see the path from this dark place
I see my future
Your forgiveness has set me free
Oh, and I can see another way,
I can face another day!

Another thing I've found interesting in my lessons of the psalms is Brueggeman's concept of Orientation to Disorientation to Reorientation. From hymns (God is great!) to laments (Where are you, God?!) to psalms of thanksgiving (Give thanks for God has ). That's the basis of the cycle that we continue to go through all of our lives. And Brueggemann's argument is that we can't move on to reorientation until we have embraced our disorientation. The reason I am explaining this is that this next pair of songs rings strangely true to Brueggemann's description. Here you have two songs of disorientation that lead to reorientation. But the reorientation that each man finds is very different from the other. It's a point made poignant in the play, but one that can hold even more power when read from the view of the psalms.

What have I done? Valjean's Soliloquy (Les Miserables)

(Valjean is released from prison after 20 years and taken in by a priest. He steals the priest's silver candlesticks, only to be caught by guards. Instead of condemning the thief, the priest tells the guards that he gave Valjean the silver and then tells Valjean the only stipulation is that he use the silver for good.)

Valjean:
What have I done?
Sweet Jesus, what have I done?
Become a thief in the night
Become a dog on the run
And have I fallen so far
And is the hour so late
That nothing remains but the cry of my hate,
The cries in the dark that nobody hears,
Here where I stand at the turning of the years?
If there's another way to go
I missed it twenty long years ago
My life was a war that could never be won
They gave me a number and murdered Valjean
When they chained me and left me for dead
Just for stealing a mouthful of bread

Yet why did I allow that man
To touch my soul and teach me love?
He treated me like any other
He gave me his trust
He called me brother
My life he claims for God above
Can such things be?
For I had come to hate this world
This world which had always hated me
Take an eye for an eye!
Turn your heart into stone!
This is all I have lived for!
This is all I have known!

One word from him and I'd be back
Beneath the lash, upon the rack
Instead he offers me my freedom,
I feel my shame inside me like a knife
He told me that I have a soul,
How does he know?
What spirit came to move my life?
Is there another way to go?

I am reaching, but I fall
And the night is closing in
And I stare into the void
To the whirlpool of my sin
I'll escape now from the world
From the world of Jean Valjean
Jean Valjean is nothing now
Another story must begin!

(Valjean then "disappears" and remakes his identity into that of a well-to-do business man, but he never forgets his roots)

Javert's Suicide: Soliloquy (Les Miserables)

(Much later in the play, after Javert has hunted Valjean for many years; Javert is caught by young freedom fighters and Valjean convinces the boys to give Javert's fate to him, then lets Javert go free.)

Javert:
Who is this man?
What sort of devil is he
To have me caught in a trap
And choose to let me go free?
It was his hour at last
To put a seal on my fate
Wipe out the past
And wash me clean off the slate!
All it would take
Was a flick of his knife.
Vengeance was his
And he gave me back my life!

Damned if I'll live in the debt of a thief!
Damned if I'll yield at the end of the chase.
I am the Law and the Law is not mocked
I'll spit his pity right back in his face
There is nothing on earth that we share
It is either Valjean or Javert!

How can I now allow this man
To hold dominion over me?
This desperate man whom I have hunted
He gave me my life. He gave me freedom.
I should have perished by his hand
It was his right.
It was my right to die as well
Instead I live... but live in hell.

And my thoughts fly apart
Can this man be believed?
Shall his sins be forgiven?
Shall his crimes be reprieved?

And must I now begin to doubt,
Who never doubted all these years?
My heart is stone and still it trembles
The world I have known is lost in shadow.
Is he from heaven or from hell?
And does he know
That granting me my life today
This man has killed me even so?

I am reaching, but I fall
And the stars are black and cold
As I stare into the void
Of a world that cannot hold
I'll escape now from the world
From the world of Jean Valjean.
There is nowhere I can turn
There is no way to go on....

(Javert throws himself into the swollen river)

And to finish off this post, here are some more of the songs that I've discovered:

Why, God, Why? (Miss Saigon) - Lament
Over My Head (Titan AE) - Lament
Another Day (Rent)
Home (Beauty and the Beast)
If I Can't Love Her (Beauty and the Beast) - Lament
Wishing You Were Somehow Here Again (Phantom of the Opera)
Empty Chairs at Empty Tables (Les Miserables) - Lament

The funny thing is that I have a much easier time finding laments than songs of praise or thanksgiving. I wonder why that is…

Habits and Learning - A Joint Process

2009-01-16T08:44:00.000-08:00

Last night was the first day of Psalms class, and I found myself in the same classroom that all of my other classes have been in. I got there and sat down in the same seat that I always sit in, then greeted the people who came in that I knew - all of whom sat in their usual seats. We even joked a little about how humans are such creatures of habit.

On the way home, I started thinking about this concept of habits. And I came to a strange conclusion - the part of our brain that makes us habitual creatures is the same part of our brain that allows us to learn - literally! Life really is about .01% book learning and 99.99% trial and error. This includes everything from learning the fastest route to work to learning what foods we like and don't like. And that learning stems directly from our habits. If we make a decision that turns out well, then our brain thinks, "Hey, that worked well, let's do that again!" If our decision doesn't go over well, our brain says, "Yeah, let's try something different next time."

Is that not what a habit is? A habit is repeating an activity that previously yielded good results. Some of those are obvious - such as repeating a study habit that led to a good exam grade. Others are so subconscious as to be simply instinctive - such as using the same stall in the work restroom because… well, it's habit, or going to your familiar seat on the first day of class, because at least you didn't make a fool of yourself in that seat last semester!

What I've realized is that habits are not innately bad. They are the skin that holds our lives in recognizable shapes. The problem is that sometimes we can outgrow that skin, and it's not easy to shed it. I have a leopard gecko that, like all reptiles, sheds his skin periodically. I can tell you that it isn't an easy process and usually, he ends up with pieces along his toes that he can't get off. Shedding your skin is hard. Shedding habits are just as hard.

What's harder is knowing WHEN to shed a habit. I remember hearing Michael Warden's story about when he took an alternate route home from work and found a huge wooded park with trails in his very own neighborhood that he had never known existed, even though he had lived there for years. For the next couple weeks, he went back regularly to explore the trails that had always been there, just off the beaten path. You can hear these stories constantly and you always wonder - why is it that we are so set in our ways that we miss out on these surprises? We begin to see habits as bad or as handicaps, when they aren't. The handicap is when we get too comfortable and aren't willing to go through the discomfort of shedding our habits - or when we don't know the right time and place to do so.

I don't know that I have a real point to this, except that it's something that we have to ask God to help us with - to know when is the right time to step outside of the comfort zone of our habits, and that we should bless Him when things do happen to disturb our safe territory - because that's the only way that we can grow.

A minor dilemna

2009-01-09T05:51:00.000-08:00

Okay, yes, I have adult ADHD. I have spent several years since my diagnoses learning about the emotional weights that come with having a brain that is wired with ADHD. I'm now going to school to get a masters in Christian Counseling and I want to work with adults with learning disabilities. Why? Because people with learning disabilities struggle in ways that people without learning disabilities cannot understand. But while we're told "stop being lazy!" or "Just do it!", I've learned the vital lesson that when a person with ADHD struggles or fails at a task, we have to ask what we can do differently next time, and to keep trying things until we find something that works. That's not a lecture, but background information for my current dilemna.

I was listening to the local Christian radio on the way to work today and they were talking about getting up early for daily devotions and prayers. And I thought to myself, I wish I had the discipline to do that. And then I was caught in this philosophical dilemna. Because on one hand, I wanted to pray to God and ask Him to help me get up early (or rather, to NOT hit my snooze button for an hour) so that I could do a morning devotion. On the other hand, it occured to me that just handing it to God was a lot like telling myself to just do it - and knowing full well that I wouldn't succeed in the normal conditions. But if I instead ask myself "what can I do to accomplish this?", then I'm trying to solve my own problems instead of giving them to God. Oi!

I suspect that this is a dilemna that we all face in different colors, which is why I am sharing it. I used to tell my mom that you should hand completely over to God everything that you have no control over, and to ask God for wisdom in guidance in handling everything that you do have direct control over. Which, really, is the answer to my own dilemna. So, this morning I pray to God for the wisdom and determination to figure out how to accomplish what I want to accomplish - daily morning devotions.

The Littlest Star

2008-12-19T10:10:00.000-08:00

Have you ever wondered "how it really went down"? Christmas, I mean. I love thinking about it. We put these stories on a pedestal or don't think about them at all. The details, the tiny pieces that come from being built on the experiences of humans like you and me. I've long since thought about writing a short story about this piece or that piece of the story of Christmas, but I never have. So this year, I'm going to try something different. I'm going to write a couple journal entries throughout the next week. Just short little expos that will hopefully get you thinking. Get your imagination working. Because it's fascinating when you really start thinking about it.

Note: I just finished writing this piece and a it's a very rough draft. I'm not even going to edit it, because it's an exercise in creativity and I just had fun with it. Anyway, enjoy!

The Littlest Star

Once upon a time, many years ago, God created the heavens. And in the darkest night, he set up the Night Sky Council. Every night, under the guidance of the silver moon, the stars would glisten like diamonds. Some stars were brilliant and bright and they would light up the sky with their dazzling light. Other stars were dimmer or further away. Still other stars were not stars at all, but distant planets that shone in shades of red or orange. Every star had a purpose and a place, and every star took pride in its role.

Whenever a sailor or traveler looked up into the night sky, he looked first to the brightest stars, which had special names and stood out like beacons. Then he would look to the dimmer stars, gathered together in constellations, and the turning and location of these constellations could tell him where he was and where he needed to go. Even the color-tinted planets could tell the traveler about the seasons and the weather to come. In this way, every object in the sky had a purpose and a job.

But there was a tiny star that God had hung high in the heavens. This star was not bright and sparkling, nor was it close enough to be a part of any constellation. It was not even a special color like the distant planets. It had no role and this made the littlest star very sad. The other stars and planets looked down on the tiny star and they left him out of their gatherings, for he had no purpose. Sometimes, the older and wiser stars would try to help, telling the tiny star what he needed to do to grow up big and bright, or how he needed to become part of a constellation. Sweet Venus even offered advice to the tiny star about how to become red or orange like a planet. But none of this advice worked and over the years, all of the heavenly beings finally gave up on the littlest star. Cold and alone, the star sat in his corner of the sky, completely forgotten.

One day, the littlest star was visited by the leader of the Night Sky Council - the silver moon herself. With her was a young man with bright eyes and a kind smile. She introduced the young man simply as "the Son".

"Sun?" The littlest star asked, eyeing the young man, skeptically. "You sure don't look bright enough to be the sun."

The man laughed, a gentle chuckle, and sat down next to the star. "Not sun, Son."

"Oh," The littlest star still didn't quite understand, but he let it drop. Either way, he didn't understand why this kind man was here, talking to him. But when he turned to ask Silver Moon, she was gone!

"What is the matter, little one?" The man asked.

After a moment, the star blurted out his questions, "Why are talking to me? There are lots of brilliant stars out there. And stars that have constellations and planets in shades of red and orange. I don't have a purpose in the heavens. That's why I'm here, in this corner, and no one talks to me."

The man was silent for a long time before replying. "Well, little one, I do not need a brilliant star to light up the sky like a beacon for me. And I do not need to read the constellations to tell me where I am or where I am going, or the red and orange-tinted planets to tell me about the weather and seasons. Those stars and planets, they are for the people below, on earth. You, however, were not placed in the heavens for that purpose."

"I don't have a purpose," the littlest star protested, but the man shook his head.

"You will. Do you believe in God?"

"Of course," The littlest star looked startled, "He created me."

"Do you believe in me?" The man asked next.

"Well… yes. But I don't understand who you are."

"Neither do they," the man replies. "But they will. And so will you. Simply shine. Shine for me, alright?"

"Okay…" But the littlest star was even more confused than before Silver Moon had arrived with the man.

Sometime later, long after the man had left, there was a disturbance in the night sky and the littlest star went to investigate. When he found that Silver Moon had called for a meeting of the Night Sky Council, he went to Sweet Venus to find out why.

"The Son is gone!" Venus replied, distraught.

"Gone?" The littlest star was shocked, remembering the man who had sat with him and talked with him. "Where has He gone?"

"Down to earth," Venus replied. "And Silver Moon says it's our job to lead the world to Him."

"Oh." The littlest star frowned. "Well, that should be easy. I mean, the brightest stars can light up the night sky and the constellations can tell the world where they are and where they are going. And you can help, too."

But Venus shook her head. "No, little one. God has placed us in the heavens to guide men through the world. We do not have the power to light the way to Emmanuel."

"Then who will find Him?" The littlest star asked, distraught.

"We do not know," Venus said with a sigh. "And night will come soon, and then the Son will be born…"

The littlest star sighed and thought about this while the other stars and planets despaired. Suddenly, the thought struck the littlest star and he lit up, "I know! I'll find him!"

The other stars looked skeptical. "You?" They asked. "What can you do?"

"I can shine," The littlest star replied, stubbornly. "I can shine for Him!"

The other stars grumbled, but Sweet Venus silenced them, "Let the little one try," she told them. "We've nothing to lose." Reluctantly, the other stars agreed, and Silver Moon gave the littlest star an encouraging smile. "Just remember," she told him, "All you have to do is shine for God, and shine for the Son. You can do that, because God made you and you are special."

"Right! I'm special!" The littlest star told himself "And I will shine! Because the world needs to meet the Son!" With a fierce determination, the tiny star left his corner of the night sky while it was still early evening. He found three men, students of the stars. "Here goes nothing!" And screwed up his face and shone as brightly as he could. Startled, the men noticed the strange brightly shining star and they determined to follow it to where it led. And so the now-not-so-tiny star led the wise men to a small town of Bethlehem. And when, that night, the little star looked down upon the baby Jesus, he couldn't help himself. He shone so brightly that the entire sky was lit up and everyone who looked up stood in awe of this mysterious star and the baby that it shone for.

From that day forward, the not-so-tiny star was known by all as the Star of Bethlehem, and the only one who ever again called him "little one", was the Son. But that was okay, because the star could remember when the Son was little, too.

Bethlehem Star, Ray Boltz

When God created the heaven and earth
He said let there be light
And a million shining stars appeared
On the canvas of the night
They all declared the glory
Of the Father up above
But only one star led the way
To His greatest gift of love

CHORUS:
Bethlehem star How beautiful you are
Shining in the darkness
Guiding strangers from afar
As your light fills the heavens
His love fills my heart
So shine for me my Bethlehem star

Confessions of a Student

2008-12-12T15:09:00.000-08:00

First of all, let me be frank. I was raised a rich little white girl. Okay, not exactly rich, but we certainly weren't lower class (and I use that term purely economically). I went to public schools in a nice-sized school district. You know, the kind of city that is neither one-horse-town, nor urban inner-city. I moved around as a kid, but I spent my entire high school at one school in the midwest. Yes, we had minorities in my school and in my classes, but there wasn't any major issue with discrimination. Nevertheless, none of my close friends were minorities. I had a nice, safe, group of euro-american (which I'm told is the new politically correct term) friends. In college, it was the same. I had a great support network - all euro-american girls. And here's where my confession comes in - subconsciously, a lot of that was my doing.

African Americans make me nervous.

They are flamboyant, extroverted and self-assured. If something's on their mind, they say it. There is an unspoken culture that reveals itself when African Americans come together, one that I have never seen the inside of. So, yes, it makes me nervous. That does not mean I look down on the culture or the race AT ALL. It means, rather, that I am nervous because I don't know how to act around them. And so I never feel like I can fit in with them. In the end, it simply is not the social web that I run with.

There. I confessed it; something I've never put into words before. What's my point? Well, fast forward to this year.

I'm in Houston. In south texas. But even so, at my job, there are very few African Americans at my job. Oh, we have minorities. Lots of asians of various nationalities, a guy with a beautiful irish accent and one girl who came (literally) straight from Russia. But very few African Americans. I can't even think of one that I work directly with. Odd, considering I'm in Houston, huh?

Then there's my school. Tiny Houston seminary. Imagine the culture shock when I walked into class on the first day and realized that I was one of 2 euro-americans in my first class - and there were 9 African Americans. It's not just the class, either. It's the student body. I walk down the hall and pass a group of 3 African Americans chatting in the hallway. I sit in the study and there are two African American girls studying with me. At first, I'll be honest. It was very unsettling. It still is. I feel like a fish out of water. There's an atmosphere that I'm not familiar with, in all of my years in the educational system. An openness. And as an insecure, uncertain, introverted young woman, it's not easy to grow accustomed to it.

Well, a semester has passed and I can't help but look back on my experiences. I walked into class yesterday and felt safe admitting that I was a little tired when someone asked me how I was doing. One woman, who I didn't know, insisted that I come out to the party that another class was throwing and there I saw a classmate from another class, who came up and gave me a hug, just to say high. And later, when several of us were talking, one classmate stopped to ask me if I was feeling okay, because I was being quiet. And yes, all of these are African Americans.

I don't know how else to explain it. I know that a large part of this welcomeness is the fact that this is a Christian university, where we are all studying to further pursue our journey of faith. We come together not just as classmates, but as Christians. But I also think that that bond of faith, when combined with the African American culture of extroversion (is that a word?), is part of what has made this semester so special to me.

I mean, come on. When a classmate that you don't know outside of class gives you a hug just because you ran into them in the hallway... that's not just a special sign that you are accepted. That's a big huge warm fuzzy is what it is. ;)

Thomas' Devotional

2008-11-21T08:28:00.000-08:00

At the beginning of the semester, we signed up to do devotionals in my psychotherapy class and my devotional was scheduled for last night. I had spent months brainstorming what I wanted to say and then revising it, editing it in my mind, before finally writing it all out. Even so, it was different than most devotionals (let's just say it dipped closer to the faith vs. science debate than I usually like to go) and it could easily have been seen as controversial. I was very anxious about it, but I used it anyway. I started with a disclaimer that no one was expected to agree with anything I said, but that hopefully my words would get them to think a little about the topic.

The devotional went okay; I stumbled over a few spots and I rushed through other spots, and I was nervous, and I didn't dare look to my professor, whose opinion I was most worried about. But I made it through and no one seemed read to take me out back or burn me for heresy. So, it was over and I relaxed.

During break, however, my professor stopped me in the hallway. He told me that my devotional was really good, that he really liked it and that I should publish it.

... wha-huh? I was astounded. Umm... okay. Cool. :)

When I told my mom about my devotional experience, she asked to read it. Her response? "You are amazing." Yeah, or not. I really don't think it was that great. I mean, I liked it, but it's not for everyone. However, here it is if anyone is interested. And keep in mind, I wrote it out in the way that I expected to say it aloud.

John 20:24-29

Now Thomas, one of the Twelve, was not with the disciples when Jesus came. So the other disciples told him, "We have seen the Lord!"

But he said to them, "Unless I see the nail marks in his hands and put my finger where the nails were, and put my hand into his side, I will not believe it."

A week later his disciples were in the house again, and Thomas was with them. Though the doors were locked, Jesus came and stood among them and said, "Peace be with you!" Then he said to Thomas, "Put your finger here; see my hands. Reach out your hand and put it into my side. Stop doubting and believe."

Thomas said to him, "My Lord and my God!"

Then Jesus told him, "Because you have seen me, you have believed; blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed."

Most of you know that I have a background in science, and this Bible verse has always stuck with me as just a little odd. Okay be honest now, if any of you had a friend come up and tell you that your dead teacher had risen, what would your first reaction be? Exodus 23:1 even says specifically, "Do not spread false reports," which I think could be easily translated into "Do not gossip." And here Thomas is, asking for proof. What's wrong with that? Well, I'd like to offer a couple thoughts that will hopefully shed some light on this contradiction.

I am a member of a forum for scientists. I don't really participate anymore, but I do still keep up on what's going on there. And periodically, someone will present a study or an article that they've found and they'd like input on. Whenever this happens, I've noticed that the reaction is always the same. The members of the forum will always ask one question before any other: "Can I get to the source?"

So often, we find articles on CNN.com or other major news moguls that discuss a study that was preformed by some mysterious set of scientists in some mysterious lab. As a scientist, it is our duty not to interpret this story-of-a-study, but to look at the original study, written by the scientists themselves. It's like playing a game of telephone - in the scientific community, it's a bad thing. You've got to get the information from the source.

I think of this and I compare it to Thomas. Kind of looks similar, doesn't it? Thomas doesn't even accuse his friends of being liars or lunatics. He gives them a stipulation. He says, "Sorry, guys, I gotta have some proof."

So, if Thomas is thinking logically, AND following the laws of the Torah by not getting caught up in unverified gossip, why does Jesus criticize him?

To answer, or at least, address that question, I'd like to share something I learned in my introductory Biology class. Our professor was an amazing teacher, a great person and a devout Christian. And she was determined that we would know and understand the difference between having faith and studying science by the time we left her class. She wasn't kidding around, either - that lecture took up 2 months of the semester, and the essay question was half of our final exam. One thing that stuck with me about the lesson is this:

"Science is based on the concept that there are no testable absolute truths." But: "Faith is built on one or more absolute truths."

Let's start with Science real quick. "Science is based on the concept that there are no testable absolute truths."

Testable is the key word, here. In science, a fact is a statement or equation that has been tested repeatedly until finally the scientific community just agrees to accept the fact - until someone disproves it. Even then, in "disproving" the fact, we discover the exception to the rule that helps us better understand what we are studying.

My favorite example of this is the atom. The word atom comes from the Greek word a-tomos, which means 'indivisible'. Ancient Greek philosophers argued about the question of whether matter could be divided up forever, or if there was a smallest particle that could not be divided any further. In the late 1800's, we "discovered" the atom - of which there are many different types, of course. How totally cool, that we could prove what the Greek Philosophers only hypothesized about - a set of indivisible particles that made up all matter.

You hear the but coming, right?

Yeah, fast forward to 1938 - we split the atom. We split the indivisible atom. Problem? It's not indivisible anymore. But, does that mean that atoms - oxygen and carbon and hydrogen and nitrogen, are no longer the building blocks of matter? No. It just means that what we accepted a hard and fast rule, was obviously not so absolute. And, this is the perfect example of how science works. We paint a picture of how we interpret the world and in time we have to alter the picture to slip in changes and new discoveries.

So, to recap? "Science is based on the concept that there are no testable absolute truths."

"Faith, however, is built on one or more absolute truths." Let me repeat that: "Faith is built upon one or more absolute truths."

No ifs, ands or butts. Every faith, every religion, is built upon one or more absolute truths. For us, one of the biggest ones is that Christ is Emmanuel who died for our sins. It's an absolute in our faith. Everything builds on top of that. It cannot be questioned if it's the foundation.

Does this mean that science and faith are incompatible? No. My physics professor once stated that science helps us understand the "who, what, where, when and how." Faith, or religion, tells us the "why." I like to say that "Faith and science question in different directions so that they can answer different questions." Science helps us understand what causes so many different species of butterflies look almost identical. Faith teaches us who we are, why we are, and what our purpose is.

So, real quick, let's revisit John:

"Then Jesus told him, "Because you have seen me, you have believed; blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed."

What I'd like to leave you with is an idea that Jesus might have been, in his own way, correcting Thomas' misconception about where his faith lies. "You can't prove Me, because I am an absolute. I am the way, the truth and the light. Peter might be the rock upon which I will be My church, but I'm the foundation beneath the rock. Everything starts with God. Everything starts right here." Is it little wonder that we refer to God as Alpha and Omega? Not just the beginning and end of the universe, but of our journey of faith. We start with Christ as our absolute and we go from there. And because Christ is our starting point, it is the one thing that we have to take, forgive the pun, on faith.

Let us pray.

Oh, precious Father, God of our hearts. Continue to anchor us in our faith. You are the absolute in whose hands we rest. And as we gather here to study, I pray that your spirit will reside in us, because the lessons we learn and the understanding we gain will be worth less than nothing if we do not also keep an unconditional love for Your children in our hearts. In Jesus' name we pray, Amen.

In This Week's Captive Hearts...

2008-10-14T12:03:00.000-07:00

Here you have a group of people trying to rebuild the High Temple in time for the Festival of Faith and the High Priest's marriage. When one of the windows breaks the night before the wedding, the master craftsman is devastated.

Lars studies the High preist intently, "We will pick up and move on." He says, echoing Ashton's words, "But you'll have a window before I leave. I just wanted to have it perfect for you... for Solarus, on the wedding day."

Ashton smiles and looks up at where the others are picking up the pieces. "You know... you'll think me crazy, but I wonder if it isn't better this way."

Lars blinks, "It... better?" He is almost shocked.

The High Priest chuckles. "Yes. To make our vows before the gods in a sanctuary that isn't quite finished. It should remind us that our work, our lives, are never quite finished. It's that unfinished corner of our lives that gives our lives purpose, and gives us room to grow."

These scene nigged at me for a bit. Even though I was playing the High Priest, I felt like I wasn't quite expressing the gut that I was feeling. I imagined a new church being built. In one possible scenario, you have the church built, finished, polished and presented for the perfect grand opening. The congregation steps in, ooh and ahhs and the church is chistened. In another scenario, you have the congregation coming together in a church that isn't quite finished. They are meeting outside or in the fellowship hall until the sanctuary is complete. Am I the only one for whom the second scenario feels... more wholesome? More right? And why?

This question took me some time and contemplation to address, but I think part of the difference is where the focus is. In the first scenario, you picture a church being built, and then calling the people to it. In the second, a congregation are coming together, and in their presence, the church is built. Where's your focus, the building or the people in it?* When you "christen" the sanctuary, are you bringing people in to express awe for the beautiful construct that you've built, or are you bringing together the congregation whose hearts and hands and money have helped build the building?

Anyway, just a little musing that I felt like posting. Reply if you feel like it, or if you have another take on it.

*The first focus should, of course, be God, but who is going to worship God? The people or the building?

The sins of childbirth?

2008-09-18T08:56:00.000-07:00

Edit: We discussed this in class and it was very enlightening. I no longer have the questions that I had upon reading it the first time.

There's no school this week (none last week either) because of Ike, so I'm doing my best to stay caught up on all the readings from the last 2 weeks. Today I'm reading next week's assignment from the old testament: Leviticus, Numbers & Deuteronomy. I just came across this passage and it's troubling me.

Leviticus 12
Purification After Childbirth

1 The LORD said to Moses, 2 "Say to the Israelites: 'A woman who becomes pregnant and gives birth to a son will be ceremonially unclean for seven days, just as she is unclean during her monthly period. 3 On the eighth day the boy is to be circumcised. 4 Then the woman must wait thirty-three days to be purified from her bleeding. She must not touch anything sacred or go to the sanctuary until the days of her purification are over. 5 If she gives birth to a daughter, for two weeks the woman will be unclean, as during her period. Then she must wait sixty-six days to be purified from her bleeding.

6 " 'When the days of her purification for a son or daughter are over, she is to bring to the priest at the entrance to the Tent of Meeting a year-old lamb for a burnt offering and a young pigeon or a dove for a sin offering. 7 He shall offer them before the LORD to make atonement for her, and then she will be ceremonially clean from her flow of blood.

" 'These are the regulations for the woman who gives birth to a boy or a girl. 8 If she cannot afford a lamb, she is to bring two doves or two young pigeons, one for a burnt offering and the other for a sin offering. In this way the priest will make atonement for her, and she will be clean.' "

Okay, first of all, I realize that I need to take this text in context - it comes from ancient times when the culture was very different. Never the less, I think it's fair to point out when something about the reading troubles me.

...I guess my issue is that up until now, all of the "sins" and "uncleanly" issues involve actions that humans take, mistakes they make, wrongs they perform against God or their neighbor. But this... childbirth is natural. And if it was just a matter of a woman remaining "unclean", I would be able to pass it off as, culturally, in those times, women gave birth away from camp so that the blood didn't contaminate the camp. But at the end, it actually implies that she has sinned. Sinned? By giving birth? Excuse me? "Forgive me lord, for I have sinned - I have given my husband a son"?!

So, that's my issue. Now I'm going to set it asside and continue reading.

A First Post

2008-06-18T10:43:00.000-07:00

I'm Christian, was raised Christian, am a devoted Christian. I try to live a Christian life, but I know I trip and fall on my face often. I'm saying that to make a point that this statement is not supposed to imply that I'm proud of my Christianity. Living as a Christian is hard and I'm not always good at it. So, there you go: disclaimer given.

I'm also a fan of fantasy. I've fallen in love with all of the Christian Fantasy that's become available in the past few years, but before that any of us who were lovers of fantasy in addition to our faith were left with separating our reading from our faith. I guess that's why they call it "fantasy" – it's another world, disconnected, not real. And that never sat well with me. Like children's movies – Beauty and the Beast, Little Mermaid, etc – I have always believed that there is always something you can learn. You can connect with characters, learn from them and have your mind opened to perspectives other than your own. And the best way to do that is to look at a story that is so very different from your own life – like fantasy stories. For example, I'm one of those people who not only thinks that reading Harry Potter in NO way teaches a child to pursue witchcraft, but also believes that there are so many lessons to be learned from Harry Potter, even for Christians. Not the least of which is learning to love reading.

So, that brings me to my story. My FANTASY story. Well, okay, it's not just mine. Ladyreason and I have been working on it for years. I won't go into all of it, because there's one part that I've been thinking about for a long while, and that is our faith system in this world. Our world is overseen by four gods – Lunos (moon), Solarus (sun), Aquios (water) and Vulcos (earth). Lunos and Vulcos are female, Solarus and Aquios are male. Lunos and Solarus have been consorts forever; Aquios and Vulcos used to be consorts until they got into an epic argument and are just starting to make up. But for the most part, Lunos is our primary god(dess), followed by Solarus.

Now, here's where things get a bit philosophical, so bear with me.

I believe, have always believed, that by looking at these four gods, especially Lunos and Solarus, we can see vital and very special parts of God the Father. Solarus is the obvious connection, but what about Lunos? I remember hearing a sermon on Mother's day a few years back that talked a bit about the virgin mother. No, I'm not Catholic, so this was an unusual topic and a very interesting one. One that I made a lot of connections to. Now hold that thought and let me add another idea.

Night. Darkness. Evil, right? That's what our cultures always seem to believe. It's just in our psyche that darkness represents danger. But it goes the other way, too. You'll remember that Christ wasn't born in the middle of the afternoon. Without darkness, without the unknown, where would the miracles be? And it is in our darkest times that we are carried by God. When I was having the hardest times in my life, I could close my eyes and I had this mental picture of God wrapping His arms around me and just holding me. And I don’t know about you all, but that's something my mother would do when I was a little girl. So, when you think about it, at the darkest points in our lives, God is pretty good about holding us close, supporting us, loving us unconditionally, just like a mother.

Thus is where I made the connection with our story. It's why Lunos, our god of the night, is a female. A mother. She is protective and loving and compassionate. She is actually the goddess of the moon which, while not as bright as the sun, shines brightly at night when we need the light to guide our footsteps. She is, to look at it another way, the essence of hope.

If you can't tell from all that, I'll tell you that I love Lunos. She's one of my favorite characters in our story. And yet I know that if I were to mention this story to my more traditional Christian friends or colleagues, I'd get criticized. You know, thou shalt not have any gods before me? But, when I think about Lunos, I feel like I am seeing a very special and very important part of God. She is just one of God's many faces. So… where's the line? She's not pulling me away from God, but rather bringing me closer to an understanding of how much God loves me.

I guess, maybe I'm just too concerned with what other people would think. But it does bother me to know that if I made a really close friend, I couldn’t mention this story without them judging me and my faith by it. When, in contrast, this story has actually helped me crystallize my faith.

Okay, I'm done rambling. I'm curious if any of you think less of me after reading all that. Does this make me a heretic? I don’t think so. And… I guess that's all that matters.