The Power of "Just"

I've been thinking a lot about the word just recently. It is such a simple word, and yet one with so many definitions. You can't get through a day without using it, and most of the time you may not realize that it's a part of your lingo. But just can be a very dangerous word as well. That's because it is a word that minimizes.

I should note that just can be defined in two broad categories: adjectives and adverbs. An adjective is what you use when you refer to something being right, lawful and based on justice. That is not the form of the word that I am referring to here. Rather, I'm considering the word just when it's used as an adverb. Let's take a look at the definition from www.dictionary.com:

Just
–adverb
9. within a brief preceding time; but a moment before: The sun just came out.
10. exactly or precisely: This is just what I mean.
11. by a narrow margin; barely: The arrow just missed the mark.
12. only or merely: He was just a clerk until he became ambitious.
13. actually; really; positively: The weather is just glorious.

Synonyms include words like: but, merely, simply and only. They are all minimizing the power of the verb that is being described. So? you ask. What's the big problem? The problem is when what you are truly minimizing is the efforts of another human being. Let me explain.

When I was a kid, I struggled with chores that should have been easy to do. They would have been easy to do if I had actually done them. But I struggled with the initiative to do them. That's part of what defines an ADHD mind - you lack the dopamine to start menial tasks that are un-exciting to you. We didn't know that I had ADHD at the time, so my dad's favorite phrase was "just do it." To this day, I hate that phrase. My father never meant to insult me with those words. He never called me lazy or irresponsible. He thought he was encouraging me to accomplish a task that would be easy if I could just get started on it. But he didn't comprehend that getting started on it was exactly the task that I couldn't do.

For years I have expressed my opinion about how dangerous the phrase "just do it" really is. It isn't the encouragement that you think it is. By saying it, you are minimizing the challenges that the person is facing - challenges that you likely can't even comprehend. What I didn't realize until recently is how much broader this argument can go.

Just last month, I was in my Normal Human Growth and Development class and I mentioned my aversion to those three words: "Just do it." I said it not expecting others to relate, since I knew that I was the only person diagnosed with ADHD in the class. I was surprised, however, when one of my classmates spoke up and told her story:

This classmate is a mother of four, and her two youngest children were adopted from an abusive mother. The youngest was by far the worst off and when she took this newly adopted girl to the pediatrician for the first time, the pediatrician's multitude pieces of advice included these words: "Remove the word "just" from your vocabulary. Nothing will ever be as easy as 'just' for this child." My classmate concluded her story by saying that the pediatrician was correct. Years later, this youngest child was starting school and doing far better than she would have been doing if his loving mother hadn't adopted her, but her life would always be more difficult than a child who hadn't been abused for the first two years of their life. Developmentally, socially, emotionally, mentally, this child would never be able to "just" anything.

My reaction to this story was two-fold. First, I was in awe at the wisdom of this pediatrician. While I had heard of other adults with ADHD expressing similar dislike of my least favorite phrase, I had never heard of a doctor explaining the phenomenon to a worried mother.

My second reaction was to re-evaluate my least favorite phrase, and I realized that, just as the pediatrician had explained to my classmate, it was not the phrase that offended me as much as that one word: just.

As an aspiring counselor, I have continued to consider the ramifications of this one word. "Just." And I'm coming to realize how careful we must be whenever we use it. It is true that the word just can be used in a way that offers no negative connotation, ("If you just want to toss the spreadsheet to me via e-mail, I can print the nametags off of that.") But whenever we craft our words to describe the amount of effort that we believe is required in a given action, then we threaten to minimize that effort on the part of someone else. And how can we ever comprehend the challenges that another person faces?